Heartbeat
by FireLionHeart
Summary: A single complete pulsation of the heart. A brief moment in time. A vital force or driving impulse. Clint and Natasha face one of the hardest things they've ever had to deal with and they find themselves counting every heartbeat. Pairings for this is Clint/Natasha, Tony/Pepper, and might try to add Bruce/Darcy, and Thor/Jane. *Warning, some material may be a bit mature for some*
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**So, we all know that I still don't own the Avengers or anything related. I'm just borrowing them for a while. I am going to be completely honest and say that this story might make some of you mad, it's hard for me to write (You'll see why especially in later chapters) but please keep an open mind, I'm going to attempt to explore some really deep human emotions in this story. **

When Clint Barton first received the news that he would be a father he was overcome with joy. When he had first come to SHEILD he had come to terms with the fact that he would probably never become a father and he was ok with it but secretly, deep down, he had always wanted to have a child. There were many times where he entertained the idea of starting his own family, especially when he finally convinced Natasha to be with him. Those thoughts quickly went out the door when Natasha explained to him that, because of experimentations done to her as a child, she couldn't have any children. He had given up the idea for a while but then ideas of adoption filled his head and even though he was good at covering it up they were there.

So, the day that the love of his life came to him and said she was going to have his child was instantly marked as one of the happiest days of his life. Clint had wrapped Natasha up in his arms and after he spent a bit of time convincing her it was ok the fear had left her eyes and was replaced by a bright gleam. They had smiled, laughed, and just soaked in the amazingness of a moment they never thought they'd have. In that moment there was nothing that could bring them down.

The rest of the team found out about a week later. It was sooner than what they had planned to tell them but when Natasha Romanoff had turned down a glass of the best vodka Tony Stark could get his hands on, there really was no other explanation. The team was almost as excited as they were. They all had to stop Thor from squeezing her too tight while laughing about it at the same time. It was a good day for everyone. The only thing that made it better was Clint's proposal.

They told Fury about both the pregnancy and the proposal the next day. They figured that it was only a matter of time before he figured it out anyways. He had given them a long lecture about the fraternization policies at SHIELD all while agent Hill stood smiling in the background. When he was finished Clint asked him if he would be the one to marry them, he agreed. A week later everything was put into place.

The wedding was, as requested by Natasha and Clint, a small affair. Actually, after the team and Pepper had decorated one of the empty floors in the Avengers Tower, all they had to do was call in Hill, Coulson, and Fury. Jane and Darcy were there as well. Natasha, only about five weeks pregnant, was still able to wear the black cocktail dress that had used before when undercover. Clint wore a simple black suit that had been used for the same mission. It hadn't been planned and they smiled when they saw that the other had the same idea when picking out what to wear. That mission was the first time their partnership was really put to the test and had brought them close to each other. That mission had taught them to trust each other. However, they both doubted they would ever remember Budapest the same.

Natasha was walked down the aisle by Coulson and Fury gave a rare smile the moment he pronounced them as husband and wife. The team cheered and there was many hugs and congratulations passed around. It wasn't much but it was perfect for them. They were married in front of the people that they trusted the most, their family, and they were going to have a child. For that moment absolutely everything was perfect. But things rarely stay perfect for long, especially in their world.

Natasha was about eight weeks pregnant when Clint walked in to see her sitting on the bathroom floor with her head in her hands. She was complaining of a headache. He tried to help her get to her feet but she said that she was dizzy so he picked her up. He didn't know much about pregnancies but he was sure that this wasn't normal so he brought her to Bruce. He was sitting in the common area of the tower so naturally when he was paged the entire team showed up. Besides Clint, Bruce told them all to stay outside while he looked at Natasha.

Clint held Natasha's hand as they waited for Bruce to come back and tell them what was going on. They didn't speak but the fear that they felt for their child was thick in the air around them. It was a mystery to them how Natasha had managed to get pregnant and, even though they knew it was a possibility that the child wouldn't be able to grow because of what had been done to Natasha, they hadn't really thought about it until that very moment. They thought that if they were really careful then everything would be ok. They had told Bruce, and the rest of the team, about what had been done to Natasha as a child so that he would be aware and could keep a close eye on the baby growing inside of her.

When Bruce finally returned there were deep lines of concern on his face and he looked older than what he ever had before. They even thought that they may have seen tears in his eyes but he quickly took his glasses off and rubbed them before they could be sure. Clint gently squeezed Natasha's hand when he felt her body stiffen. He mentally prepared himself for whatever news Bruce had for them. Bruce put his glasses back on and they could see his hands shaking ever so slightly. He took a deep breath and Clint felt his world coming down around him with every word the doctor spoke.

"What are you saying Bruce?" Clint couldn't believe what he had just heard. Bruce took another deep breath and put down the paper he was holding.

"I…I don't know how or why but," he rubbed the back of his neck and looked from Clint to Natasha "whatever was done to you Natasha…your body isn't supposed to be able to carry a child."

"What does that mean," Clint asked.

"It means that…it means," Bruce shook his head sadly. This was probably the hardest thing that he had ever had to tell someone. He met Natasha's eyes again which were full of distress. "It means that your body can't handle this pregnancy Natasha."

"What does that _mean_ Bruce," Clint asked with strain in his voice.

"The baby…" Bruce said.

"Just spit it out Bruce," the aggravation he felt wasn't necessarily at Bruce but rather the situation and Bruce understood that and took no offence to the snapping.

"This pregnancy could kill you Natasha." The room fell silent then at the sound of those words. Clint looked down at Natasha who had grown pale at the news.

"So," he swallowed and couldn't quite believe that this had happened. "Are you absolutely sure Bruce?"

"I wouldn't be telling you this if I wasn't absolutely sure," he said "I ran the tests three times. I'm sure."

Natasha felt like she couldn't breathe. She looked up and could see Bruce and Clint talking but she couldn't hear them anymore. All she could hear was their muffled voices going back and forth. Clint was clearly upset but for some reason she didn't know why. Everything was so confusing and she didn't understand what was going on. Then Clint said something that brought everything rushing back into focus and cleared the world around her.

"When can we make the appointment?" Clint's sounded heartbroken and he gave Natasha's hand another squeeze.

"Appointment?" She said and both men looked at her. It was the first time she had spoken since being brought to the medical center. "What appointment?" Clint looked at her with pain and concern in his eyes.

"Nat, the baby…" he paused to and glanced at the floor before looking back up at her "the pregnancy," he corrected himself "it'll kill you."

"He said it could," she said and looked from him to Bruce then back. Clint saw the panic in her eyes. "There's still a chance,"

"No," Bruce cut in. "The chance of you dying are extremely higher than the chances of you surviving."

"But," she placed her hand on her stomach out of habit. "What are the chances of me carrying to term?" Clint's eyes widened at her.

"Nat…"

"What are the chances Bruce?" She asked again and locked her eyes on to Bruce.

"Honestly?" He sat down on a stool and moved in front of her. "I don't know Natasha. I do know that if you…if you continue on with this pregnancy, there's only a small chance that you'll survive. No, I don't think you can carry the child to term."

"Could I make it to where it's enough?"

"Nat," Clint said catching her attention. "Natasha will you please listen to him?"

"I don't know," Bruce said when she was obviously ignoring Clint. "I don't know if you can but I…"

"Nat," Clint tried again and she yanked her hand away from him.

"All I need is a chance Bruce." She said staring straight at the doctor. Her eyes were desperate while Clint's were torn and begging him to make her see reason.

"There is a small chance," he said with a big emphasis on the word small. "Natasha…"

"Nat…" she ignored them calling her and rushed out of the room. She made it to the waiting room when Clint grabbed her wrist and turned her around. "Think about this Tasha."

"Fine," she practically growled at him. She yanked away from him and stormed away from everyone. They all knew better than to go after her.

"What happened," Tony asked.

**Wow, so this is rough. Hope you all stay with me and enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter: 2**

He had to explain it to the team, which left them in complete shock when he was finished. He left Bruce to fill in the details and answer questions while he went back to his floor, he wanted to be alone. Clint didn't know what to think about the situation. The pregnancy, something that had brought him so much joy, was going to kill his wife. Over the past few weeks he had gotten used to the idea of being a father, was in love with the feeling of it all. He already loved his child but Natasha, she was the love of his life. He had loved her for so long that she was the other half of him. Clint couldn't see his life without her being by his side. He had told her once that if she died he would shortly follow after. He hadn't been lying then, and though it hurt for him to admit, he wasn't lying now. He wanted this child so much but not at the expense of Natasha's life. He'd had her for so long that he couldn't just lose her if there was a chance to save her. It made him feel like complete shit but he couldn't help the way that he felt. Natasha was, and has been for many years, his number one concern and that was something that could just be turned off.

When he walked out of the elevator and on to the floor that he shared with Natasha it felt surreal. Clint felt like he was in a daze as his feet seemed to move on their own. He wasn't really aware of where he was going until he was turning the light on and staring into an empty room, the room that was supposed to be the nursery. He let out a deep breath of air as he backed up to the wall and slid down to the floor. The room was bare, with white walls and a cold hard floor. They had decided to wait until Natasha was further along before doing anything with it. In fact, it was just last week they had talked about it.

_Natasha tilted her head to the side as she examined the empty area around her. Light flooded into the room and bathed it in a warm glow that made her hair come to life. Clint smiled from the doorway as he watched the gears turning in her head. He could almost see the ideas flashing across her eyes. He slowly walked over and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pulled her close so that her back was pressed against his chest and rested his hands on her stomach. _

_ "What are you thinking," he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and smiled as she leaned back into his touch. _

_ "I think we should paint it blue," she said. _

_ "What if it's a girl?" _

_ "Girls can like blue too, I was think a pale blue." She said and he smiled. "I want to put carpet down and have a soft rug for the baby to play on with lots of toys, and an area for us to sit and read stories at bedtime. I want it to be a cozy place. A place full of love."_

_ "Sounds perfect," he mumbled into her hair._

Clint didn't realize he was crying until he felt a tear run down his face. The entire room felt dark now. He wanted to leave but couldn't bring himself to get up off the floor. He hated himself for it but he had already made his decision about the situation. It was hard though, this could be their only chance to have a kid, but it wasn't like they couldn't adopt or maybe they could get Bruce to look at Natasha after everything was finished with. Maybe there was a way Bruce could help her be able to carry a child, but it was too late for this pregnancy.

True, this was his child he was talking about, but this was also his wife. The woman who he had saw something special in straight from the start and had refused to end her life. He had literally pulled her out of the flames of her old life and helped her to rebuild herself. This was the woman he had watched over for years. This was the woman that he'd had to stitch back together after missions gone wrong. He's had to wake her up from nightmares when her past tried to swallow her in darkness and held her while her body shook with fear. He spent so many years constantly on edge because of their work, worrying that one day she wouldn't make it back. Natasha was also the one always there to pull him out of memories of his own past, who looked after him when he refused to go to medical, and who was always there to keep him grounded. She was the one he trusted to always have his back and he was the one she trusted to have hers. As horrible as it sounded, even to himself, he couldn't turn off all those years and everything they've been through for a kid he hasn't met yet, a kid he has no memories, no life with.

It tore him up inside but he knew that if he could pick he would choose Natasha every time. If the kid was here already it would be a different story, and maybe if the pregnancy wasn't the thing that was killing her, he would feel differently. He cursed loudly at the empty room and slammed his head against the wall. This whole situation was screwed up and he wished that it was all a bad dream he could wake up from.

Eventually he did get up. He made sure to shut the door behind him, he didn't want to see the room every time he had to walk through, and he dragged himself to the shower. He had no appetite so after putting on some pajama bottoms he made his way to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed. He was immediately surrounded by the smell of Natasha and wondered for just a moment where she was and if he should go check on her. Clint rolled over and looked up at the ceiling.

"JARVIS," he said.

"Yes Mr. Barton?" The system answered immediately.

"Is Natasha in the gym?"

"No Mr. Barton, would you like for me to give you her whereabouts?"

"That won't be necessary," he replied.

"Yes sir, good evening Mr. Barton."

"Good evening." Clint sighed and turned over. If Natasha wasn't in the gym working herself to death then he knew she would be ok. There was some situations in which they wanted to be left alone. After years of being partners together they could almost instantly tell which situations required them to go after the other and which to just leave the other alone. He knew the moment she walked out of that medical room that she wanted to be left alone and that this was not one of the times to ignore that request. In fact, they both needed time for this one. They both just needed to absorb the information and think about it without the other's opinion invading their own. They both knew that they would have to talk about this but that didn't mean it had to be that night.

Tomorrow he would go looking for her if she still hadn't returned. If he found her on his own then they would talk. If he couldn't find her, no matter how much it would bother him, he would leave her alone for a little longer. If she was still hiding by tomorrow night then he would ask JARVIS for assistance. That's how they dealt with things. The time frame changed based on the severity of the situation which is why he would give her only until tomorrow night.

He fell asleep after about an hour of staring at nothing and repositioning himself around the bed. His sleep was anything but peaceful, it was restless and filled with nightmares of both his past and the future. Just as he suspected Natasha didn't return that night.

**Thought we'd get some of Clint's thoughts. Things are going to be tense for these characters hope you guys are ready for this. Also hope you all enjoyed. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter: 3 **

Natasha watched as the sun came up and brought the city below her to life. She sat on the edge of the Avengers tower and stared down at all the buildings and the people who were beginning to wander about. Her hand rested on her stomach, a habit that had formed almost immediately after finding out she was expecting. It was so strange to her, the thought that there was a tiny human being growing inside of her. Since she could remember the option of having a child wasn't there. She had gotten used to the idea that she wouldn't have a kid and after a while she had even stopped wanting it. The Red Room had told her it was impossible, considering the situation she found herself in, she supposed that they were right, but then again she was pregnant, it would just end up killing her apparently. So, in a way they were right and in a way they were wrong.

That was another strange thought to her altogether, the fact that this pregnancy would kill her. She felt fine at the moment which only made it harder to wrap her head around the idea. She sighed and dropped her hand from her stomach. There was no use in getting attached, she had a decision to make and it might not end in a happily ever after they had allowed themselves to start believing in. She thought of Clint then and knew that she had to go talk to him. She couldn't avoid it forever so she might as well get it over with. Slowly, she got to her feet and walked to the door.

Steve was making pancakes and Tony was bugging Pepper as she poured glasses of orange juice when Clint came down. They all forced themselves to continue on with what they were doing and not stop to stare at the archer as he came in.

"Has anyone seen Natasha?" He asked and they all shook their heads. Steve added the pancake he'd been working on to the large pile on the plate sitting beside the stove.

"I'm sure she'll be here soon," Pepper said, ever the optimist.

"You sleep ok?" Bruce chimed in as Clint took a seat at the counter.

"What do you think," he said in a calm voice as he looked over at the doctor who simply sent him a concerned look. Tony remained quiet, he simply pushed a cup of coffee over to him which Clint accepted with a nod of appreciation.

"My friends," Thor's voice filled the air "a good morning to you all."

"A very loud good morning to you," Darcy said as she dragged herself over to where Bruce sat. He chuckled then leaned over and pressed a kiss to her head. They had been dating for about a month and he always found her lack of being a morning person funny and, dare he say, cute. Jane shook her head in amusement and went over to help Pepper bring the glasses to the table. She noted that there was one for Natasha as well.

"Have we heard from her yet?" She asked when she thought themselves out of everyone's hearing range.

"No," she replied.

"I feel so awful for them," Jane said glancing over at Clint then back to Pepper. "Do you think she's ok?" Pepper nodded then leaned in a bit closer and whispered.

"She's been on the roof all night."

"How…"

"Tony's never been good at respecting people's privacy." Pepper said with a slight roll of her eyes then a small smile appeared. "He was worried." Jane nodded and they went back to the kitchen. The sound of the elevator not long after sent a relief through them all but no one commented on it. They all learned not to make a big deal about it whenever something big was going on and one of them returned from their alone time. They all simply went about their business like usual but they could feel the tension growing in the room.

"Let's just get this over with," she sighed in defeat.

"No," Steve said softly and held a plate of freshly made pancakes out to her. "Let's enjoy breakfast first. There's plenty of time to talk." Natasha slowly accepted the plate and nodded to Steve. She was truly grateful for him right then. He smiled at her and she gave him the best one that she could muster up. She walked over to the table and took her usual seat while the others got their plates. They all gathered around the table one by one until they were all seated in their usual places but there was the absence of the usual chatter that would be going on if it were any normal morning.

Steve glanced around the room at his family. The huge elephant in the room really put a damper on the mood. He wished that he could do something to help but didn't think that there was anything that could be done considering the situation. He was just about to make an attempt at small talk when he felt something hit his head. He looked down to see that it was a piece of pancake.

"Really Stark," he said looking over at the billionaire.

"What?" Steve picked up the piece of pancake so that he could see it.

"This just hit me on the head," he said.

"And you automatically assume it was me?" He said sounding offended.

"You're the only one childish enough."

"I resent that," he replied.

"Seriously Stark," he said putting the piece of pancake on his napkin to be thrown away later "stop." The conversation dropped and he went to eat his own pancakes when something hit him again. "Stark!"

"I didn't do anything!" He held his hands up in mock surrender.

"So it just flew over here by itself?" He asked sarcastically.

"We have seen stranger stuff."

"Knock it off Tony," he dropped the piece of pancake beside the first and with a roll of his eyes he picked up his fork in an attempt to eat his food. Barely a minute later he felt something else hit him only this time it stuck for a second before falling. It was another piece of pancake only this time it was covered with syrup. He looked up and another piece hit him, sticking for a bit longer, before falling to his plate. His face grew a shade of pink. "Honestly!" Tony openly laughed now not even trying to hide it anymore while Thor held a guilty look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Steve," he said "but Tony suggested a contest to see which would stick longer." He said and couldn't help but smile a bit as he glanced to Tony then back to Steve. "I came out as champion." This had the others chuckling and even Clint and Natasha couldn't help the small smiles that appeared on their faces.

"That's great but can we actually eat the food now?"

"We shall," Thor replied with a smile "these pancakes, as you call them, I like them. They are quite good." Soft agreements floated around the table and Steve nodded his thanks. After a few bites of his pancakes Steve looked up and saw that there was little conversations going on. Jane, Darcy and Pepper where talking softly amongst each other and getting Natasha to give her opinion ever so often. Bruce and Thor were doing the same with Clint. Steve met Tony's eye and the billionaire winked at him. Steve nodded his understanding and he smiled. Tony butted into the conversation and Steve tried to be equally involved as well. The tension had been broken and even though he could still feel some syrup sticking to his face Steve was glad for that.

The rest of breakfast went by smoothly enough, or at least, as smooth as it could go. It helped them to both prolong and prepare for the inevitable conversation that they all knew would be taking place. They might not all be part of the actual conversation but whatever the result would surely have an impact on them all. Whatever the two assassins picked the rest of them would be there to help them through it, but at the current time they were happy to just sit there enjoying breakfast and talking about things of no real importance. They dragged it out for as long as they possibly could but eventually there was no more food and no more conversation to be made. The meal was over much too soon for all of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter: 4 **

Bruce had suspected that they might want him to be a part of the conversation, to give them medical information and whatnot, however he was secretly relieved when Clint had simply got up and held his hand out for Natasha. She took it and without saying a word the two of them left the kitchen and went into one of the spare rooms. The others fell silent in their absence, not able to come up with anything to say to one another, not even Tony had anything to say. They all simply got up from the table and after brining their dishes to the sink they gathered in the living area. Bruce stayed behind however and worked on washing the dishes by hand. Tony had long ago installed a dishwasher so that the dishes would never have to be washed by hand but he wanted something to do. The others just sat around awkwardly staring at random things in the room not really knowing what to do with themselves but not wanting to leave in case their friends needed them for anything.

From where Clint and Natasha stood, things weren't much better. Neither of them knew how to start a conversation they wished didn't exist in the first place. Natasha took a seat on the bed while Clint walked around for a bit before coming to a stop at the window. He focused his hawk like eyes out at the people below for a distraction as he broke the silence first.

"What should we do Nat?" His unsure voice sounded foreign in the quietness around them. Natasha didn't turn to look at him. She stared down at her hands which rested in her lap.

"What do you think we should do?"

"I asked you first," he said as he watched a couple holding hands as they walked along the sidewalk. "It's going to kill you." He said after she had been quiet for a while. He turned to look at her then but she didn't return the gesture so he walked in front of her and knelt down so that he was eye level with her.

"So that's in then," it was a statement more than a question "that's what you think." Clint looked down and rubbed his eyes. He steeled his emotions enough so that he'd be able to get through the rest of the conversation.

"Yeah, that's what I think." He looked back up at her to see that she had closed her eyes to do the same thing he had just done. When she opened them again her eyes were blank of any emotion.

"So, we're just going to….we're going to do this." She looked in his eyes then and he looked back at her, they never had needed words to communicate with each other.

"They'll understand," he said and pulled her into his arms. She didn't cry but he hadn't really expected her to, she hated to cry. He didn't know how long they sat there like that and he really didn't care too much. He needed the comfort of having her in his arms and he knew that she needed it as much as he did. He pulled away from her and gently tucked some hair behind her ear. "It'll be ok Tasha," he whispered soothingly "you have me and the team with you. No one is going to leave you." He said "I'm always going to be right here for you." She looked into his eyes as if she was searching for something then nodded and pulled him into another hug. Clint smiled sadly at that because, although she was good with receiving them, she hardly ever was the one to reach out to hug anyone. He held her for a few more minutes before he pulled away again and got to his feet. He held a hand out for her and she took it. He helped her get to her feet and rubbed her shoulder before they both headed for the door. It was time to face the others again.

Fury called while Natasha and Clint had been in the room talking. Bruce explained the situation to him and answered the questions that he asked. They all heard the slight sadness in the director's voice when he asked to be told whatever decision the two SHEILD agents made. Bruce ended the call saying that he would inform him as soon as possible. Once that conversation ended the room fell quiet again. A dark and anticipating mood settled over the group as they waited to hear the verdict.

None of them could find it within themselves to pick a side. They all had been extremely excited upon hearing about the pregnancy, Tony had even started designing a monitoring system for them to install in the baby's room. He knew that the two would be fiercely protective and truth be told his own mind would be put to ease with the added security. However, Natasha was their friend. They all loved her like a sister and everyone knew that her death, as well as any of their deaths, would be painful. It would hurt them, especially Clint. They all knew that if Natasha died Clint would have a long road of recovery to go through as it would be for Natasha if Clint died. Also, there was a high possibility that Natasha wouldn't even be able to carry the child for it to be born anyways. What would the point be if they both ended up dying? It was a hard decision, an impossible decision, and as selfish as it might sound they were all happy that it wasn't them having to make it.

They would be there though. Whatever the decision was they would be there to help their friends get through it. It was a known fact that in the time they had started living together they had become more than just a team. They were a family and they wouldn't leave part of their family during one of the hardest times of their lives. Thor had even made a visit to Asgard to announce that he would be absent until further notice.

The atmosphere was almost unbearable by the time the door that their friends had disappeared behind finally opened. They couldn't help but stare at the pair as they slowly walked into the room to face all of them. There was an air of sadness around them when they stopped and looked up at them. Their hands remained entwined with one another. Their eyes moved across them and landed directly on Bruce.

"Whenever you're free," Clint said sadly. Bruce felt a lump in his throat but fought through it to talk to his two friends.

"Are you sure…"

"Yes," Clint answered quickly and beside him Natasha nodded her agreement.

"I'm free whenever," Bruce said then.

"Today?" Natasha asked and they all stared at her.

"Nat," Bruce said "are you sure you want to do it today. I mean you just…"

"The sooner the better," she said with a nod "there's no use in dragging it out right?" Bruce let his eyes fall to the ground and shrugged slightly.

"No," he mumbled "I guess not." He looked back up at her "I'm going to need some time to prepare."

"Ok," she said "Ok just…page me when you're ready." She left then and Clint just let her go knowing she wanted to be alone again.

"Thanks," he said to Bruce and he too made his way away from the rest of the team. They sat there not too sure of what to do now that they weren't waiting anymore.

"Are you okay Bruce?" Steve said, breaking the tense silence that hung in the air.

"I'm not the one you should be asking," he replied softly.

"Are you ok with…"

"I'm the only doctor they really trust," he said and Steve nodded. The room fell in silence again only interrupted by Bruce getting to his feet. "I guess I should go." He said and the others nodded. "Will you all be showing up?"

"We shall," Thor answered for them all and others simply nodded. Unless asked otherwise they would be in the waiting room for them to come out. Bruce ran his hands through his hair and waved bye. The walk to medical had never seemed so long before. When he got to the room he used for his patients, mainly Clint and Natasha, he closed the door and leaned against it for a moment with his eyes shut and taking a few deep breaths. He took the moment to calm the nerves and emotions roaring within him. He had offered to do this for them and he wouldn't let them down. They didn't trust most of the doctors here and always preferred to go to him if it were possible. His friends were asking for his help and he would give it to them. They didn't choose to have this happen to them. They didn't choose to be in this position. He took another minute or two to get himself together then he pushed himself away from the door and turned on the lights. He put his brain into doctor mode and as quickly as he could he got everything he would need ready. He checked and rechecked his supplies and when he was sure he had everything he looked up at the ceiling, a habit he found most of them had, and told JARVIS to alert Clint and Natasha that he was ready for them.

**Breathe everyone…in…out…. Please don't hate me for this chapter and stick around. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter: 5**

Though they had went their separate ways after leaving the others, Natasha and Clint arrived back at the medical room hand in hand. The moment they had walked through the door Bruce felt a knot tighten in his throat. Clint looked as if he had aged since he had seen him not even an hour ago. Natasha kept a stoic look on her face but she was paler than she was supposed to be. And both of their eyes held a brokenness that Bruce wished he could fix.

"You guys sure…"Bruce was cut off by Clint's firm voice.

"Let's just get it over with." His voice was strong but Bruce could just detect the sadness underneath and he looked from him to Natasha and nodded once she made no comment.

He gestured for her to take a seat and get comfortable and she did so silently. He noted that her hand never left Clint's and saw her husband give her hand a reassuring squeeze when she got settled. Bruce then turned his attention to his equipment and after hooking her up to an IV he grabbed the ultrasound so that he would be able to examine her. Both of them looked away from the screen when the picture came up on the computer screen. Bruce tried to detach himself, tried to force himself to push out the thoughts these were two of his closest friends. He noticed that Natasha was squeezing Clint's hand so much that her knuckles were almost white and he returned the favor, though their faces remained emotionless.

"Ok Natasha," Bruce said after a moment and Natasha's eyes left Clint's to focus on him. As he spoke he began to prepare a syringe, "I'm just going to give you a shot of…"

"No." Her voice was little more than a whisper and Bruce froze with the needle almost touching her skin.

"Natasha you need…"

"No." There was more strength behind the words and her breathing was starting to get rapid.

"Natasha," he laid the needle down and grabbed her free hand gently but she pulled away from both him and Clint.

"Nat what…"

"I can't," she said before Clint could finish and his eyes grew wide as he stared at her. "I don't want to do this…I can't…." quickly she got to her feet but was stopped when Clint grabbed her shoulders in a firm but non-threatening way.

"Tasha if you don't…"

"I know what could happen Clint," she pushed his hands away and shook her head "but I can't do this."

"Natasha you'll die if you don't do this." Clint said and Bruce could hear the desperation creeping into his voice.

"I have so much red in my ledger and…I don't want our child to be one of those names."

"Don't give me that Natasha," he said "this is different and you know it. This is a threat to your life."

"This is our child," she said. Their voices slowly began to rise and Bruce though he should step in before a full on argument started.

"Hey," he said "why don't you guys go take some more time…"

"No Bruce," Natasha snapped looking to him." I don't have to think about it," she turned her eyes back to Clint with the hint of a glare forming "I'm not doing this." With that being said she turned away from him and yanked open the door. The small medical room felt like it was closing in on her and she had to get out or it would suffocate her.

Outside in the waiting room the others sat in the uncomfortable chairs waiting on news from their friends. Steve had already made the decision that they would be ordering from Natasha's favorite restraint and allowing the two assassins to be alone for the night so that they could have their time to grieve and be with one another. Everyone had agreed and Tony suggested that they buy them loads of expensive Vodka earning an eye roll, but not necessarily an objection, from Pepper. What they didn't expect was for Natasha to come through the door heading to the elevator with Clint a few steps behind her looking a mix between hurt, confusion, and anger.

"Friends…" Thor started to ask what had happened but Pepper seemed to already know and patted his arm to get his attention and shook her head for him to be quiet. They went ignored by the two of them. Natasha had just pushed the down button on the elevator, deciding that she had to get out of the tower all together, when Clint spoke.

"So that's it then?" He grabbed her shoulder and turned her around to face him. "Do I not get a say at all?"

"I've made up my mind," She replied calmly.

"You're my wife now Natasha we're supposed to make these decisions together." His voice raised and everyone got to their feet out of instinct in case it got too heated. Bruce came in then but stood back from everyone just in case he had to get out of there.

"This isn't like buying a house or a new car, this is the life of our child and…and I can't…"

"This pregnancy is going to kill you Natasha!" he yelled now and Steve took a step forwards. "What part of that don't you understand?!"

"I understand it perfectly!" She yelled right back with a matching glare "what part of this is our child don't you understand?!"

"I'm sorry!" He yelled and tears formed rapidly in his eyes "I'm sorry Natasha but I can't lose you, not like this. I don't want you to die!"

"Alright maybe it's time…" It was Tony who finally started to intervene but Clint held his hand up to silence him.

"I. Don't. Want. You. To. Die." Clint repeated slowly as he looked deeply into her eyes. Tears formed in her eyes as well as she stared back at him.

"Don't ask me to do this," she whispered and Clint shook his head. Behind her the elevator doors opened but Clint held on to her arm to keep her from going anywhere.

"Don't ask me to watch you die," he said back to her. She blinked and a tear fell down her face.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly and with a simple maneuver she was out of Clint's grasp and into the elevator. When he tried to step in after her Steve laid a hand on his shoulder to hold him back.

"Let her go Clint," he said gently "you two need some space." They all watched the elevator doors shut and Clint jerked away from Steve. He let out a frustrated cry and covered his face with his hands.

"Hey man," Tony tried to step in to reassure him "it'll be fine…"

"No!" Clint snapped when the billionaire patted him on the back. He stepped away from him and looked up to see the worried faces of all of his friends staring back at him. He shook his head and made his way over to the stairs. "I need to be alone," he muttered under his breath and left the others there to try and process what had just taken place in front of them. He rushed up the stairs and didn't stop until he had reached the roof. Looking down at the world below he could see her figure retreating from the tower.

Natasha didn't even stop to get in her car. She continued walking out of the tower and down the sidewalk. She didn't know where she was going but she knew that she had to get out of there and just get to somewhere she could breathe again. Her feet moved fast down the street, passing everyone who got in her way, it all looked like a blur to her as she continued on her way. She didn't know how many turns she had made or which direction she had gone, all she knew is that when she stopped she was in a park. More precisely, she was standing in front of a walking trail that she hadn't known was there then looking around she realized that she didn't recognize that park at all but couldn't find it within herself to care. She took a deep breath and felt the air fill up her lungs. She let the breath out and decided this was as good a place as any to spend some time to get her thoughts together. The decision she had made weighed heavy on her mind as she began to walk.

**So, that was actually kind of difficult for me to write, it was hard for me to get into Clint's mindset but anyways I hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for the next chapter which should be ready shortly.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter: 6**

The rest of the team didn't see the two assassins for the rest of the day. They tried to go through the rest of their day as normal, each of them having things they needed to get done, but it just didn't feel the same. The tower felt like it was weighed down with the severity of Natasha's choice and there was no ignoring it no matter how much they tried to block it out. When it came time for dinner each of them found their way into the kitchen area on the common floor. Steve took it upon himself to start preparations for a meal.

"Anyone have any preferences?" He asked the glum looking group gathered around the island.

They all wordlessly shook their heads and Steve halfheartedly went to see what all they had in the refrigerator to get some ideas.

It was Darcy, after looking around the room at all the slouched shoulders and sad faces, that finally put words to what they were all thinking. "This doesn't feel right." She felt Bruce wrap his arms around her waist and speak up as well.

"Maybe we shouldn't be leaving them alone." Without saying anything Steve closed the refrigerator door and looked to Tony.

"JARVIS locations on Bird-boy and Spider?"

"Mr. Barton is still on the roof and there is no sign of Mrs. Romanoff's presence in the tower." The AI replied.

"Should we draw straws?"

"I'll take this one," Steve replied and the others nodded.

* * *

He watched the city below him, lit up with lights from both the tower itself and the streetlights. He watched the people walking, wondering what their life was like. He wondered what it would've been like if he had had a normal childhood. If Natasha had grown up with her parents, in a loving home, free of the Red Room. Would she have still made it to America? Would she have met a simple kid from the country and fall in love with him then eventually get married and have kids like normal people?

"_There's no use in that kind of thinking," she whispered. They were on the rooftop of the hotel they were staying at and sat at the edge, watching as the people walked by without knowledge of their presence. "We can't change the past Clint." _

"_But do you think that it would've happened?" He turned his eyes from the street below them and looked at his partner. That morning they had completed their latest mission, and had barely gotten out with their lives. _

"_If I was raised in a normal home," she replied "I probably never would have left Russia." She said honestly and met his eyes, the right one was a nasty shade of purple almost black. "There would be some nice Russian man who I would've married and a nice down to earth country girl for you. We most likely never would've met." _

"_I guess you're right," he said turning his gaze back to the ground below them. "I guess that's one good thing that came from our screwed up lives," he said giving her a small grin. _

"_Clint," Natasha said and he looked at her with hidden concern at the sad tone of her voice. She kept her focus on the street as she tried to find her words. "I can't give you what you want," She finally said. "I'm not normal, you'll always have to worry about me while I'm on missions, and I…" she looked up at him then "I can't give you a family." She turned away again and Clint felt a lump form in his stomach. I know that you secretly want one and it's impossible for me to give that to you." He reached out for her then and without words he wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest. _

"_It's ok Tasha," he whispered. "I don't need any of that." He pushed her away enough so that he could look into her eyes. She had a cut and a bruise forming on her left cheek, dirt smeared all over her face, and a gash at her hairline, but she was still flawless in his eyes. "You're enough for me. I can't imagine my life without you in it." _

"It's not nice to sneak up on people," Clint said, snapping out of the daydream.

"We were worried about you and none of us even know where Natasha is," Steve replied. "You sure that's a good idea?" Clint was sitting on the ledge of the building, feet dangling over the side. Steve looked down and couldn't help picturing what would happen if his friend were to accidentally slip off, or worse.

"I'm not gonna jump Cap," Clint said and Steve gave him a look then promptly got up on the ledge and sat next to him.

"Do you want to talk?"

"I kind of want to be alone," Clint replied in a firm but not aggressive way. When the other man-made no sign that he was going to honor that wish and leave him be, he spoke up again. "What? Are you going to try and relate, tell me that everything is going to be ok, is that what this is about 'cause if so don't waste your breath." This time there was a bite to his words but Steve ignored it.

"No one can relate to what you're going through right now." He replied softly "none of us have had to pick between the lives of the woman we love or our child. Quite frankly I hope that I never do."

"Oh, gee thanks." Clint replied sarcastically. With a glare in his eyes he swung his legs over the ledge and hopped down to the roof.

"It's an impossible choice to make," Steve continued as Clint retreated. "I can't tell you that it will be ok." He jumped down and started following his friend "But you and Natasha won't have to go through this alone." When Clint reached the door and pulled it open Steve was there to slam it closed again. Clint glared up at him but Steve continued to talk. "We're a team and we are all with you."

"That's not going to fix anything," Clint said.

"But at least you know we're there for you." Steve replied gently and Clint turned away from him. "You know Natasha isn't going to change her mind." Clint turned and looked at him with that glare still in his eyes. "She's going to need you."

"I can't…I can't watch her just fade away when there is something that we can do to save her." His eyes softened then and he slowly lowered himself to the ground. Steve followed and they sat in a bit of a silence until Clint spoke up again. "There's been a few times that I was sure Natasha was dead. That she was gone and I would never be able to see her again. I…it felt like a part of myself had died. Each time it happened it was the same. It hurt like a bullet going through my chest. Once I went to a bar and got so wasted that I started a fight and could have killed a man." When Clint looked at him Steve was a bit taken aback by the fear and sadness in the other man's eyes. He never could read the two assassins and the fact that Barton was allowing this to show was only confirmation of how hurt he was. "I can't lose her."

"She's a strong woman," Steve said "if anyone could make it through it would be her. We both know that she's not giving in on this one. She's going to need you with her." Steve then got to his feet and opened the door to go back into the tower. "She can't lose you either."

Clint stared down at his hands. Even when the door clicked closed he didn't look up. He didn't even move from where he had settled. How can he be supportive of something that was going to kill her? He didn't think it was possible.

"_I can't imagine my life without you in it." She looked up at him, her eyes searching deep into his. For what she was looking for he was uncertain. However, he saw the moment where she seemed to either did or didn't find whatever it was she was looking for. When she spoke it was barely enough for him to hear. _

"_Me either."_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter: 7**

The night air held just a hint of coolness as it ran across her skin. From where she sat, on a bench within the walking trail, she could still see the lights from the park. The trails weren't long by no means and she had walked the length of it many times. She lost track somewhere around the tenth lap.

She knew that she should be getting back. The team no doubt were worried about her and she knew that no matter how angry her husband might be at her, he would be worried the most. Actually, she had planned to get back before it got dark but she was so lost in her thoughts that she barely noticed the sun setting. She would be on her way back now that it was completely dark but she didn't feel ready to go back. She wasn't ready to look at Clint or any of the team for that matter. Natasha wasn't ready for their sympathy or the hovering that was no doubt coming her way. If she was being completely honest with herself, the real deep down reason she didn't want to go back was because she didn't want to see that look in Clint's eyes again. That look that was mixed with sorrow, anger, and desperation that he had given her before she had left.

Natasha knew that this situation was killing him, it was no better on her. Without thinking about it, her hand travelled down to her stomach and rested there. For a brief moment she wondered if she was being selfish. Was it selfish of her to force Clint to watch her die for something that might not even work out anyways? If she died before being able to carry the child within her to a place where it could live, then it would be for nothing and Clint would lose them both. She understood that, understood that this might be a helpless situation that had a no win situation for the both of them. That's why she had been ready that morning. She had walked with Clint into the medical room fully prepared to go through with the abortion. Something had snapped inside of her though and she could exactly pinpoint when or what it was. The only thing she knew was that when it snapped she couldn't force herself to go through with it.

"_We're going to make you better little one." The man everyone referred to as Doctor said and she hated the way he spoke to her as if she were a child. "Lay back now." She did so and the assistants immediately began strapping her down. She felt the prick of a needle and looked to the man who held the syringe before looking back at Doctor. _

"_What are you going to do?" She could already feel the drugs beginning to work through her system. _

"_I'm going to make you stronger, smarter, faster," he said and began setting up his tools on the small table that stood beside him. "I've also got some ideas on some…permanent birth control. You'll never have to worry about that again my dear." He said and Natalia felt an emotion she didn't recognize soot through her but she was getting too drowsy to think about it. "After all you're of no use if you can't do missions because you wind up pregnant. Won't it be better not to have to worry about it?" He asked and she knew he expected an answer. _

"_Yes sir," she replied. He smiled and she felt his fingers run through her hair. _

"_Won't it be so much better for you?" _

"_Yessir," she managed to slur out before the darkness overtook her. _

The memory hit Natasha hard and she realized now what that feeling was so long ago. She didn't want them to take the option away from her like they had. At that point in her life she knew she wouldn't be having children but still, it was the principal behind it. That was the day that they truly proved to her that they had complete and total control over _every_ aspect of her life.

Tears threatened to overwhelm her and she gripped the bench so hard that her fingers ached. Her chest hurt with the effort it took to keep it all in. Her throat burned and she felt like she couldn't breathe again. She focused on a dim light through the trees and tried with all her might to keep the emotions back. This was not the time to lose herself. She couldn't just break down because it wasn't who she was, she was stronger than that. At least, that what she kept telling herself.

Natasha hadn't known anyone was there until a pair of arms wrapped around her. Though she was currently fighting a losing battle with her emotions, her body tensed and prepared to attack the person when she was suddenly assaulted with the smell of him as he pulled her in close to his chest and held her tightly in his arms.

"It's me Natasha," he whispered soothingly and felt the tension fall from her. "It's alright, it's going to be alright." Coulson's voice broke through the fog in her mind and she felt herself being overwhelmed with everything. Her body started to shake but still she fought against it. "C'mon Natasha, it's just me and you here, no one to be strong for." That was all it took for the tears to start pouring and deep sobs to come out of her. Coulson held her closer then. One hand rubbed comforting circles on her back while the other went to the back of her head, massage her scalp as he tried to comfort her.

"They did this to me," she managed to say thought her tears.

"I know, its ok Tasha."

"This wasn't….supposed to…happen…"

"Breathe honey," he whispered and she tried to catch her breath but failed.

"I can't…I can't…and Clint…he wants me to…but I can't…"

"Breathe Natasha," he said and pulled away so that he could look at her. "In and out, deep breaths." He helped her to calm down and get her breathing back under control. When it was over he wiped the tears away and pulled her back into his arms. He had only seen Natasha Romanoff cry maybe twice in all the years that he's known her and never had it been like that before. He supposed if there was a situation that called for it, this would be it. "

"He's angry with me," she said after some silence.

"He loves you Natasha. It'll be ok," Coulson responded and she nodded after a moment. "Why don't we get you home? You need to get some rest." Again she nodded and he helped her to her feet.

* * *

"Natasha," Pepper said and went to give the other woman a hug as soon as she walked through the door. "We were worried. Thank you Phil." She said to Coulson who nodded and after saying goodbye to Natasha he took his leave. The others gathered around to greet her as well as Pepper led her to the kitchen for something to eat. They had done the same to Clint when he had finally come down from the roof.

All traces of the tears were gone the moment she had arrived at the Tower. Now she was settled with that somewhat numb feeling that usually followed a crying fit. She allowed Pepper to and the others to hover slightly because she was just too tired to care at the moment. They all avoided talk of the morning's events and for that she was grateful but knew that it couldn't be avoided forever.

Natasha knew the moment he entered the room. From all the missions they have done, all the years they spent together, she was use to the feel of his eyes on her. The feeling of his eyes were like a signature that her body picked up on whenever he looked to her. She even knew he was there before the others did despite the fact that her back was to him and both Pepper and Bruce were facing his direction. She noticed the moment they did pick up on it because all the tension flew back into the room. The last time they were in the same room it had gotten heated and they were all prepared for a rematch. She stood and turned to face him expecting him to say something. Instead he walked over and pulled her into his arms, much like Coulson had earlier, and she felt all the emotions raise up inside of her again.

"I love you Tasha," he whispered in her ear and she wrapped her arms around him as well.

"I love you too," she whispered back with a breath of relief that, at least for now, they were ok.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter: 8**

Clint tried, he really did. In the weeks that followed Natasha's decision he tried to come to terms with it all. However, she wasn't having any major symptoms that was, according to Bruce, to hugely different from what a normal pregnancy would be. Sure there was the odd migraine here and there but it wasn't nothing too serious and usually she was up moving around and acting as she normally would. Seeing her like that, looking so healthy, and just so normal looking had allowed him to unconsciously put the worry away. Natasha looked and acted fine so in his mind it was easy for him to believe that she was.

They didn't talk about the baby though. Natasha because she didn't want to upset him and Clint because unconsciously he didn't want to ruin the façade his mind had built that she was fine. He even questioned, to himself, if Bruce was right about the pregnancy. He was a genius but even geniuses can make mistakes right? The Red Room had messed with Natasha so much and had used experiments that weren't completely studied, what if Bruce had read it all wrong, the part of him that was Bruce is still human so it was possible. At least, that's what he had tried to tell himself. Somewhere deep down he knew that Bruce hadn't been mistaken but his emotions allowed for him to have those irrational thoughts and they were better than the reality of the situation.

The rest of the team didn't know how to act around the two assassins. They were awkward and didn't know what to say to them, especially when it came to Natasha. She couldn't really blame them though. It was difficult for them all to know that their teammate and friend had an almost guaranteed chance of dying in a couple of months. Natasha, if she was being honest with herself, was scared as well but she had decided to be strong, not only for her team but for her child as well. She knew that if was to make it to where her child could be born and have a decent chance at survival that she would have to be strong, so that is what she would do.

The day that Natasha reached the mark for the third month everyone was both relieved and anxious at the same time. She still seemed fine except for an occasional migraine but it was still early and they knew that the further she went the worse it would get. That was the first night Tony found Bruce working late into the night testing and retesting the results he had gotten from Natasha and trying to figure out if there was anything he could do to help. He thought about making him get some rest but that had ended with him working right beside of his friend.

It was a few days after the third month mark that Clint walked into his apartment to hear Natasha violently getting sick in the bathroom. He rushed through their bedroom and stopped when he saw her leaned over the toilet and getting sick over and over again.

"Nat," he said and went to hold her hair back. She looked and sounded pitiful. "It's ok," he said as she got sick again. In an attempt to soothe her he gathered her hair in one hand and used his free hand to rub circles on her back. When she finally started to do nothing but dry heave he pulled her back and flushed the toilet. Natasha rested against the wall and he noticed how pale her skin was and that she was shaking though it wasn't cold in the room. Clint then walked into the kitchen and filled a cup with a little bit of water then brought it to her. She swished her mouth out and spit the water back into the cup. Clint then reached for the mouth wash, pouring some into the cap and offering it to her. Natasha swished it around in her mouth, thankful to get the bad taste out, and spit it into the cup as well. He then took the cup from her and poured the contents into the sink before also dropping the cup. Natasha neither spoke nor looked at him. She just sat there with her legs tucked against her body, arms wrapped around them, and her head resting against her knees. He lowered himself down in front of her and gently ran his hand through her hair. She slowly raised her head and looked at him. "Tasha," he said softly "has this happened before?"

"Once," she said after a moment "last week."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I…I didn't want to worry you." She said and he didn't quite know how to respond to that.

"C'mon," he finally said and got to his feet. "Let's go get Bruce to take a look," he lowered his hand down to help her up and she took it. He helped her to her feet and when a wave of dizziness hit her he helped to steady her. "JARVIS, will you tell Bruce to meet us at the infirmary?"

"Yes Mr. Barton." Clint took Natasha's arm and helped her all the way down to where Bruce was waiting for them. The examination went pretty fast and after running some tests Bruce returned with a look similar to the one he had when he had first told them the trouble with the pregnancy. He pulled up a stool and sat directly in front of Natasha. She was still pale and somewhat nauseous but the shaking had stopped and she wasn't dizzy anymore.

"It's going to get worse," he said looking directly into her eyes. "I'm sorry Natasha but I think this is just the beginning." She nodded and he shook his head. "I'm not sure how bad it's going to get or even what's going to happen."

"It's ok Bruce," she said.

"I'm trying to see if there is anything that I can do. I'm trying my best, I'm looking."

"Thanks doc," Clint replied giving Natasha's shoulder a squeeze, but he sounded distracted.

"I have some medicine that's supposed to help with the nausea but with this situation I'm not sure it's going to help much." Bruce said and her a bottle of pills "you can try it though to see if it does. At the very least it might take the edge off."

"Thanks," she replied and he nodded. Clint helped her to her feet then and they left Bruce there staring after them with a sad look in his eyes.

That night Clint had to almost force his wife to eat something. She was starting to feel more and more nauseous throughout the day and when she had walked in to smell Steve preparing dinner she had completely lost her appetite. He did manage to get her to eat some soup and crackers. He was hopeful when she didn't get sick but that was shut down when she jumped out of bed around two in the morning and barely made it to the toilet before getting violently sick all over again.

Clint took a moment, just a moment to rub his eyes and to calm his breathing down before getting out of bed and getting another cup of water. From the kitchen he could hear how horribly sick she was and it made something twist in his gut. Without saying a word he went through the motions of pulling back her hair and trying to comfort her until she was finished. He handed her the cup and they repeated the same process they had done that morning. When it was over she laid back against the coolness of the bathroom tiles with her eyes closed. Clint sank down next to her.

"You don't have to do this," he said after a moment. His voice echoed off the walls of the too quiet room.

"Don't," she replied quietly, not opening her eyes, "please." Though she didn't look at him he nodded sadly and turned his face to stare up at the ceiling, looking at nothing in particular. After they had sat there for a while he decided it was time for bed and helped Natasha get to her feet. She didn't stumble this time which he guessed was a good sign. He stared at her and she looked up to meet his eyes. Without fully thinking about it he pulled her into his arms, needing to feel that she was still with him, but it didn't feel the same. Everything was becoming real and he could no longer hide behind his fake fantasies, and he could feel the slight bump of her growing stomach as their bodies pressed together.

**Well there's chapter eight, hope you all enjoyed and thanks to all who have read/reviewed/favorite/followed this story. Also, to answer the guest (Kate's) question, Jane and Darcy aren't part of the Avengers but Jane is dating Thor and Darcy is dating Bruce. They were in the story when everything started happening with Clint and Natasha and in my head I didn't think they'd find out their friends were going through this and then leave them. I know sometimes I say the Avengers and then have them plus Darcy, Jane, and Pepper there as well and to be honest that's because I won't be planning to have them there in that scene and then my mind just comes up with something for them to say so I add it in, but no Darcy and Jane aren't part of the Avengers. Hope that answers your question . **


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter: 9**

**In reply to Dean Girls and Butterfly's question I would first like to say thanks for your question, I really do like to answer any of the questions that readers have for me, so anyone else feel free. Anyways, the reason they're so concerned is because Natasha isn't going through normal morning sickness, hers is more severe than that. I based the last chapter off of a condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. (In hindsight, probably should've added the actual name into the chapter.) ****They also know that she has a high chance of dying because of this pregnancy and they're all stressed out and worried, in other words she could get a paper cut at this point and they'd be worried. I'm also taking this a bit further in this chapter so as a warning to you all you might get disgusted if you've got a weak stomach. Also, they're worried because this is the first, even remotely, out-of the-ordinary symptoms she's started having and they don't know what to expect next. I hope this answers your question :)**

The medicine that Bruce gave her didn't help, not even a little. The next few days the nausea only grew worse and worse. Eventually Natasha couldn't even smell food cooking without having to run off to a bathroom. Clint grew more and more stressed out every day he had to watch his wife in that miserable state. He wasn't able to watch her like that knowing that he couldn't do anything about it. Also, he couldn't help but feel that it was his fault that she was going through it, he had been the one to get her pregnant after all. Seeing that Clint needed help, even if they would've done it anyways, the others stepped in to help out as much as they could. Tony had even set up buckets throughout the tower just in case. Bruce constantly tested and retested different medications in hopes of finding something that would help her but had so far had no luck. The others took up the job of trying to get Natasha to keep down some type of food but that was also proving to be quite difficult.

"Natasha," Pepper said as she stepped into the living quarters of the two assassins. She hadn't shown up at breakfast that morning and Pepper had volunteered to go check on her. The entire floor was eerily quiet. The only audible sound came from her heels against the hardwood floor as she searched for her friend. Clint had left that morning, needing to go and talk to Fury about Natasha's condition. Tony had insisted that they could have a video chat with the director but Clint had been adamant that he go talk face to face. The others hadn't said anything but they all secretly knew that he wanted to get away for a while and it left them stuck between disbelief and understanding. "Natasha," she called out again but received no answer. She walked further into the living area and was struck by a strong stench that had her momentarily stopped. There's was no mistaking what the smell was and it made her own stomach roll with nausea. Pepper recovered quickly and made her way to where she knew the master bedroom was. The smell grew stronger and almost made her gag but she pushed the door open anyways.

As soon as she stepped in she was face to face with the source of the wretched smell that seemed to fill the entire area. The bed was covered with sickness. The floor had a huge puddle of it and there were drops that lead to the bathroom. From inside she heard a pitiful moaning sound and she quickly pushed the smell out of her mind as best as she could and headed into the other room. There was another puddle on the floor, a smeared handprint on the tiled wall and more smears on the porcelain toilet. Pepper thought that she could've gotten sick right then and there if it weren't for the figure laying collapsed against the wall.

Natasha was extremely pale, she was shaking like the first day they Clint had heard her getting sick, and she looked as though she could barely keep her eyes open. She was also covered in vomit. Any thought of getting sick banished as Pepper rushed to be at her side. Upon getting closer, she also thought that Natasha looked smaller. Was she losing weight?

"Natasha," she called out and the redhead's eyes twitched then slowly parted to meet hers before closing again.

"Tried to get up," she said and her voice sounded weak. "I tried but…"

"It's ok," Pepper quickly replied.

"Such a mess," Natasha said almost sadly and Pepper shook her head.

"We'll get someone to come clean up the mess," she replied putting a hand on the other woman's shoulder in comfort. "Don't even worry about it. It'll be ok."

"Should've kept a bucket by the bed." Natasha continued "thought it would be ok because the bathroom was so close."

"Really it's ok Natasha," she said. "Let's just get you cleaned up ok?"

"So tired," the words were almost slurred and Pepper could see her eyes closing. Tired was an understatement, Natasha looked completely exhausted.

"JARVIS inform Dr. Banner that we'll be coming to see him in about twenty minutes." Pepper said. "Also let Tony know to give Mr. Hartman a call to clean up this floor."

"Yes ma'am," the AI replied then a minute later informed her that he would be waiting in his exam room for them and that Tony would be making the call to their usual clean up guy. The man had been there to help clean the tower of huge messes since it had been built.

"Thank you JARVIS," she said then turned her attention back to her friend. "Natasha," she waited until the other woman looked up at her again before continuing. "I'm going to help you get to my apartment and we're going to get you cleaned up ok?" She said and Natasha nodded slowly. Pepper then got to her feet and walked back into the assassins bedroom. She went through the drawers to gather the appropriate undergarments for Natasha then went into the closet and thought about grabbing one of the loose fitting dresses since it'd be easier to get on, but then thought about it and decided against the idea. Instead, she went back to the drawers and pulled out a pair of athletic shorts and a tank top. She felt like this was the better choice because Bruce might want to do an ultrasound and if so then it would be easier to just be able to lift up the tank top. Once she had the clothes she sat them down on a clean part of the bed and returned to the bathroom. "Natasha," Pepper said and she looked up at her with tired eyes. "Let's get you out of those clothes and we'll get going." She managed to get Natasha to her feet and steady her.

"I'm sorry," Natasha said and Pepper heard a bit of sadness in her voice.

"It's ok," she said "it's not your fault, you can't help it." As quick as she could she helped Natasha pull the soiled top up over her head without anything touching her. Pepper then helped her to get off the pajama pants that she wore because she was so dizzy that she stumbled when she tried on her own. Pepper had just turned around to grab the robe off the back of the door when Natasha started to gag, one hand flying to her mouth and the other to her stomach. She turned around and Pepper helped her to get down to the toilet, right before she got sick again. Thankfully it didn't last long and Pepper quickly helped Natasha get the robe on. She then led her out of the bathroom, grabbing the clothes she had picked out on the way, and got in the elevator.

Tony was waiting for them when they arrived. His eyes were full of concern as he reached out to help support Natasha. He noted sadly that she felt smaller in his arms. He told them that he had called Clint and both Pepper and Natasha nodded. They took Natasha to the bathroom where Tony left them, saying that he was going to see Bruce. He could see that Pepper was fully capable of taking care of Natasha for the moment.

"She's can't keep anything down, she's lost weight, it's getting worse," Tony said as he walked into the lab to see his science bro hunched over a microscope.

"I know, I'm looking I just…" he paused and rubbed his eyes.

"May I?" Tony asked pointing at the papers spread out over the desk.

"By all means, please." Bruce replied with a wave of his hand.

"This is the next one you want to try?" Tony asked and Bruce nodded. "Ok, I'll get to work on this and you take a breather before Pepper gets here with Nat. It'll be a few minutes." Bruce nodded and thanked his friend. Tony read back over the papers and sighed. As he gathered up all the things he would need he hoped that this would be the one they needed to help their friend.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter: 10**

Clint arrived back at the tower just as Bruce was starting to examine Natasha with an ultrasound. Instantly he tensed but forced himself to be by his wife's side. When she looked up at him he saw the relief in her eyes. He was quick to take her hand in his own but she could feel that he wasn't quite there with her. A part of him was holding back, not allowing part of himself to be there in that room. It bothered her no matter how much she tried to deny it but she decided to just take what comfort there was in the fact that he was there, at least physically.

"Ok," Bruce mumbled to himself as he stared at the blurred image on the screen beside of him. "Your baby seems to be doing ok," he said but shook his head and looked back at her "but it's not going to be getting any nutrients if this keeps up. We need to find a way to get this sickness under control." Natasha nodded, she tried to listen to everything he was saying to her as he went about explaining different things but she was so tired that she was finding it hard to concentrate. Her attention was fully brought back when he handed her a bottle full of a clear liquid. "Try two tablespoons every six hours and we'll see how that works ok?" Again she nodded and felt Clint's hand squeeze her own. She looked up at him and could see the concern in his eyes for her. She gave him the best smile that she could muster up at the moment before turning back to Bruce.

"Thanks," her voice was raspy from vomiting so much. Bruce nodded then handed her a towel he had brought for her to wipe the gel off of her stomach.

After she had cleaned herself up and had promised Bruce that she would take it easy, Clint followed her back to the common floor. Natasha had no intention to go back up to their floor until it was cleaned. She felt bad for leaving the mess for someone else to take care of but she honestly couldn't handle the smell. Her stomach rolled just thinking about it. As soon as the elevator arrived she made a beeline for the couch and laid down, curling up and feeling the overwhelming urge to fall asleep take over.

"Nat," Clint said and sat down on the edge of the couch next to her. "Nat you need to take this medicine." He said "and I would like for you to try and eat something."

"I can't Clint," she whispered back to him "I'll take the medicine but…no food. At least not right away, give me some time and I'll try." She opened her eyes to see that his jaw was clenched but he nodded and headed into the kitchen to get a measuring spoon for the medication. When he came back Natasha had shut her eyes again and it looked like she was already falling asleep. That wasn't normal for her.

"Nat," he said then repeated himself louder when she didn't respond. She opened her eyes the second time and he helped her to sit up. Clint gave her the medicine and she took it, both of them silently praying that it would work. When she was finished she laid her head back against the couch and he sighed to himself. He got to his feet but before he could move Natasha's hand reached out and gently grabbed hold of his wrist.

"Will you stay with me?" He looked down to where her fingers clutched at his wrist. Her touch was soft and he could easily throw her hand off yet it was strong at the same time keeping him cemented in place. When he looked up at her and could see the silent need in her eyes.

"Will you stay with me?" He repeated back to her.

"If I can," she replied without as much as a blink. Clint gave in and slowly took the seat beside of her. She moved closer to him and laid her head against his shoulder as he put his arm around her and reached up to run his fingers through her hair. It was a familiar gesture for him to do so and she instantly felt the comfort brought on by his touch. It was only made better when she felt his body relax under her and she was able to press herself more surely against him. His fingers continued working in her hair and she felt herself falling fast asleep.

Clint could feel that she was falling asleep. He wondered briefly if he should leave her to get some rest but the feeling of having her in his arms decided against that. In the last few days he had missed holding her. He moved his head and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. The familiar scent of strawberries tickled his nose from the shampoo she had used earlier and underneath that he could smell her unique sent that always gave him a warm and comforting feeling. He lost himself in the moment, allowing his mind to forget where they were and the predicament they were in. In that brief pause in reality he had attempted to wrap his other arm around her and it felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him. He had felt the growing baby bump on her stomach and froze.

Natasha was already on the brink of sleep when she felt his body tense up again. She slowly came to her senses and realized what had happened. His arm seemed to be stuck at the place where he had first felt the bump in her stomach. She slowly reached up and took his hand in her own and pressed it against her stomach.

"Clint?" Her voice sounded small and tired to her own ears.

"Yes," he replied after snapping out of whatever trance he was in.

"I was thinking that…the baby, it'll need a name." She said and when he didn't respond she continued to speak. "Will you help me pick one out? One for a boy and one for a girl?" He pulled his hand away then and she sat up slowly to look at him.

"Why do you want to talk about this now Nat? We were relaxing."

"You're the one who got all tensed up from brushing against my stomach," she reminded him.

"I don't want to talk about baby names." He sat up and rubbed his eyes in slight frustration.

"Can we discuss them later? When we've had time to think…"

"Why do you want to do this Nat?" He turned back to her and she could see that his walls were up again and firmly in place.

"I just..." she trailed off but he looked at her still waiting for an answer. "If I'm going to die than I at least want to know the name of my child. Hopefully a name that the father agrees on." She said and could practically feel the emotions rolling off her husband.

"Agree on?" He said with a huff "if I recall correctly I didn't agree to any of this. I didn't want…" he paused when he saw the look on her face and took a deep breath. "I don't want to fight." He said in a whispered voice then climbed to his feet. "I need to get some air." With that being said he got on the elevator and was gone, leaving her to sit there and get her emotions back in check. She was not about to start crying again, stupid hormones.

The sound of soft footprints caught her attention and she was about to look up to see who it was when a familiar voice spoke up and gave it away.

"Hey little red," Tony said as he walked around the couch and sat down on the coffee table. She wondered how long he had been there and if he had seen what had taken place between her and Clint. If he had he didn't say anything he simply held out a steaming mug to her. "Ginger tea," he said with a small smile "I read somewhere that it was supposed to help with nausea and I figured the bonus of having it warm would help you get some rest you look like shit." She managed a half-hearted glare at him for that comment.

"Gee thanks." His smile brightened at that.

"It's what I'm here for," he said and motioned for her to take the drink. She did so and he waited for her to take a sip.

"Not bad Stark," she said "but I really don't want to mess up your couch if I can't keep it down." He reached over and grabbed the small bin that was sitting beside the couch and gave her a wink. "So, you want to watch a movie?" He said in a round-about way of asking if she wanted him to stay, he had heard what had happened with Clint.

"Sure as long as you promise it won't bore me to death," she replied and he rolled his eyes and got on the couch beside her, not cuddling like her and Clint had been, but just as comforting.

"Whatever red, you know you love my movie choices."

**Thanks again to all who have reviewed and everything! Also to CharlieMatheson, that's not such a bad idea, I've never really thought about a story with the two of them and I think it would be a fun challenge. I'll have to keep that in mind…**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter: 11**

**Sorry for the long wait everyone, hope you enjoy. **

The two of them had barely gotten into the movie when Tony had to quickly reach for the trashcan sitting next to the couch. He held it up to Natasha just in time. She took the trashcan into her own hands and though his stomach was twisting and turning, Tony managed to man up enough to hold her hair back with one hand and rub small circles on her back with his other. He tried to offer her any support he could. It took a good fifteen minutes for it to stop and around another ten for her to stop dry heaving. When she was finally finished Tony put the trashcan to the side, trying not to gag himself, and watched her collapse against the back of the couch.

"You alright?" He asked her after a moment. Natasha opened her eyes and tried to smile up at him the best she could.

"Are you?"

"Ah," he replied with a small tilt of his head "it was a bit traumatizing. I might not get over it." A small chuckle escaped her.

"I'll pay for the therapy." She said simply and Tony nodded.

"As you should, it's all your fault" he said standing up "I'm gonna make some more of that tea." He said "also gonna make some chicken noodle soup that you're gonna love." It was said as a statement not a question.

"You can't cook Stark."

"From a can Romanoff," he said back to her as he retrieved the can from the cupboard. "Even I know how to work the magic of the microwave." Natasha just smiled and listened as he moved around in the kitchen. Not many people ever saw this side of Tony Stark, she considered herself privileged to be part of that small group. It didn't take him long to return with the bowl of soup in one hand and a coffee mug in the other. By that time the elevator announced its arrival and a man stepped out that Tony nodded to.

"Evening Mr. Stark," the man said.

"Hey Hart, how's the upstairs situation going?"

"All cleaned it's just airing out now. I set up some automatic air fresheners and your computer is getting the fans going real good in there. It should be all good to go in no time."

"Great, thanks Hart."

"No problem," the man replied and turned to Natasha with a warm smile "hope you get to feeling better."

"Thank you," she replied and he nodded back at her.

"Tell Ms. Potts I said hello," he said to Tony "see ya around."

"See ya." Tony replied then turned to Natasha and gestured towards the man's retreating figure with his thumb. "Great guy," he said and placed the coffee cup on the table. He held the bowl out to Natasha and she slowly took it from him. Her stomach rolled just looking at the contents. "You should feel special not everyone gets the privilege of eating a meal prepared by the great Tony Stark."

"I'll be sure to remember that." She replied with a slight roll of her eyes. He watched her as she picked up the spoon and swirled it around the bowl.

"Um, you're doing it wrong Romanoff," Tony said then pressed play on the movie and turned his attention to the TV screen. It was one of the things she liked about Tony, that he could give her the space she wanted but at the same time keeping an eye on her like he wanted. Natasha knew that he was still watching her though his focus seemed to be on the screen and though it made her stomach roll she scooped up a spoonful of the soup that wasn't quite warm enough. She could feel her stomach protest but forced herself to swallow then scooped up another bite. She too turned her main focus on the movie to give her something else to focus on. Out the corner of her eye she could see the small tug of a smile on the billionaire's lips.

"Thanks Tony," she said quietly.

"No problem little red."

"I don't like that name." She said then took another bite out of the soup.

"Of course you do." Tony replied with a wider smile.

By the time the movie had ended it was almost three o' clock. The bowl of half eaten soup and an empty coffee cup sat forgotten on the table and Natasha was fast asleep. Tony turned off the TV and looked towards his sleeping friend. The way she was curled up on at the other end of the couch made her look so small and vulnerable, the second word he had never thought to honestly use when describing the deadly assassin. She hadn't gotten sick again after eating which was a plus in his head he hoped that the medication she took earlier might actually be working for her.

Tony's attention travelled down to the small bump of her stomach. Though she hadn't gotten much bigger yet he noticed that the shirt she was wearing was tighter against her and he made a mental note to mention it to Pepper. Maybe she could take Natasha shopping, if the medication was in fact working then it might be good for the woman to get out of the tower. Fresh air could only help right? It also made him wonder if she had thought to buy anything for the baby such as a crib and other necessities, was it too soon to be thinking of that stuff? He shook his head to calm down his thoughts and turned his attention back to the present. His eyes drifted to the medicine bottle still on the table.

"JARVIS,"

"Yes sir?"

"What time was it that Romanoff took her medicine?"

"It was twelve fifteen sir,"

"When is she supposed to take it again?"

"Dr. Banner prescribed her to receive two tablespoons every six hours."

"Will you set an alarm for that?"

"Yes sir."

"It's really early for her to be asleep," He said to no one in particular.

"I believe it is either from a lack of sleep due to her sickness or from her body's deterioration due to her pregnancy." The AI replied and Tony reached up to rub at his eyes and hoping that it was from the first option.

"Yeah, thanks J," he said and about the same time the elevator announced the arrival of someone else. Tony turned to see Captain America emerge, still dressed in his workout clothes from where he had been out running.

"Hey Tony," he said running a hand through his hair. "I was wondering if you we were planning to get together for dinner or…" he trailed off once he caught a glimpse of Natasha's sleeping form. "How's she doing?"

"She managed to eat something," he replied.

"It's a start," Steve offered and Tony nodded.

"JARVIS will you inform Dr. Banner that his presence is requested?"

"Yes sir,"

"Thanks buddy." Tony replied then looked to Steve. "Well Legolas is AWOL at the moment, Pepper had to leave earlier to go to a conference that she won't get back from until late, Point-break is out with Jane, and I doubt Nat is going to eat anything, so it looks like it's just you, me, and big green tonight. I was thinking Chinese." Steve nodded his agreement then gestured to where Natasha was asleep.

"Maybe we should try and wake her up, at least try to get her to eat some more?"

"Nah, let her get some sleep," Tony replied. "She tried her hardest to get all of the soup down earlier I don't think she'll be able to take anymore." The elevator arrived once more and Bruce Banner stepped out to join his friends. "Hey Bruce, Chinese?"

"Um, sure sounds fine."

"Great so now that that's settled you guys want to watch a movie or play a game or something?" Tony asked and Steve shrugged and looked to Bruce. He looked to Natasha's sleeping form then to Steve and Tony.

"I'd rather go look at…"

"I think that the medicine is helping," Tony cut in "she only got sick once after taking it and it wasn't as bad as it has been."

"Was there any nausea?"

"Yeah but she managed to eat a little."

"I still want to look at…"

"You've been going at it non-stop doctor," Steve cut in "I think you might need a break." Knowing that it was two against one Bruce finally just nodded in agreement.

"Ok then," Steve said "I've got her." From past experiences they were all very cautious when dealing with either of their two resident assassins when they were asleep. As gently as he could, Steve nudged her shoulder then took a step back. Much to everyone's surprise she remained still. Steve shook her a bit harder "Nat…Natasha…" she stirred slightly and opened her eyes but Steve and the other men could tell that she was still not fully awake. "Let's get you somewhere more comfortable ok?" He said softly before scooping her up into his arms and heading towards one of the spare bedrooms that was on the common floor. He pulled the covers up over her and left her to get some rest.

For the men, the rest of the night was spent watching random movies and trying their best to relax. They ordered some food from a restaurant that Tony had recommended and tried to make some small talk among each other. All in all it was a quiet night. When an alarm, sounding like what a normal alarm clock would, went off both Steve and Bruce were startled but Tony just quietly got up from his seat, grabbed Natasha's medication from the table, and disappeared into the guest room. A silent understanding went through the other two men.

"I'll take the next round," Steve said once Tony returned.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter: 12**

**Yeah, finally kicked myself into gear and wrote another chapter. Thanks to everyone who's shown interest in this story, you're awesome! While writing this I figured I'd make it easier to follow and start putting how far along Natasha is in her pregnancy. **

**About 14 weeks **

The first thing that registered to Natasha as she slowly came back into her senses was that she was no longer in the living area of the common floor where she had remembered being last. Years of training had taught her to always assess her surroundings if ever waking up in a place you didn't remember going. However, the familiar smell alone immediately gave away that she was still safe in the tower. Slowly she blinked her eyes open and looked around. Though she hadn't stayed in any of the three empty bedrooms located on the common floor, she knew that was where she was. The second thing that she registered was the soft sounds of voices coming from the other room.

Natasha slowly pushed back the covers and eased herself up from the bed. Rubbing at her tired eyes, she made her way to the door and was greeted by the sight of the other avengers, minus Thor and Clint, standing in the kitchen area. Bruce was making omelets, Steve was frying bacon, and Tony was manning the coffee machine. Natasha prepared herself as the smell of the cooking food hit her. About the same time Tony noticed her presence.

"Hey little red," he said to her and catching the attention of the other two men.

"How're you feeling?" Bruce asked. Her hand had travelled to her stomach and she took a second to answer them.

"Um, fine." She finally said and looked from her stomach up to the men who now stared at her. "I feel fine, a little tired, but otherwise fine."

"No nausea?" Bruce asked and she shook her head and gave a surprised chuckle.

"Hmm," she took a seat on one of the barstools as the men got back to what they were doing. "I guess that stuff really worked Bruce, and with one dose." That made the men pause again to look at her.

"Ugh," it was Steve's turn to speak up "actually Nat, including the one you took yourself, you've had four doses." Her eyes widened slightly at the news.

"You don't remember?" Tony spoke up again and she gave him a mildly confused look.

"We took turns making sure you got your medicine when you were supposed to." Steve said and Natasha didn't know what to say. She wasn't used to this. Besides Clint and Coulson she had never had anyone who she felt truly cared about her. Now, she had the avengers plus their girlfriends. It was a great feeling but it was also a bit unsettling. She didn't know how to act with them or what to say to them when they did things to show that they cared for her. After the life she had led she didn't think a simple thank you would be enough to express what the action meant to her. The men watched as she struggled to find something to say until Bruce spoke up again.

"You think you can eat something for breakfast?"

"Um," she swallowed and nodded. She wasn't nauseas but she also wasn't hungry though she knew she should eat something anyways. "Yeah I think I can."

"Good," he replied with a smile. "Cheese omelet with onions, tomato, and green pepper sound good?"

"With a side of bacon?" Steve chimed in.

"Sounds great," she said to the both of them with a small smile. Finally she couldn't take the thoughts in her head anymore and just said it. "Thank you guys." The men paused once again and looked up at her.

"Anytime red," Tony answered after a brief pause. The others smiled and they got back to their cooking.

The slight awkwardness after the exchange was lifted when JARVIS made the announcement that Pepper had returned to the tower. Tony thanked his AI and a few minutes later the elevator doors opened to reveal the other woman. She smiled when she saw the others and made quick work of setting down her briefcase and slipping out of her jacket.

"Good morning everyone," she said as she walked into the kitchen area. They all responded in kind as she went to give Tony a kiss on the cheek.

"Omelet," Bruce asked.

"Please," Pepper replied.

"Onion, green pepper, and tomato?"

"Sounds great."

"How was the conference?" Tony asked as he passed her a cup of coffee.

"Too long, unnecessarily repetitive, and boring," she replied.

"Hmm, sounds like a blast I wonder why I never go," he said with sarcasm laced in his words. Pepper rolled her eyes at the statement and moved to take the seat next to Natasha.

"How are you feeling?" She asked and Natasha gave her a half smile.

"A lot better than yesterday."

"Great! I was worried." Pepper responded and took a sip of her coffee. She looked around for a minute then turned back to Natasha. "Where's Clint?"

"He," Natasha averted her eyes and stared at where her hands were resting on the counter top. "He needed to get some air."

"Oh," from the way she said it Pepper knew that Natasha didn't want to talk about it so she didn't push the issue. "Hey, if you're feeling up to it do you want to go shopping later today? Jane said that she would be coming back with Thor, I'm sure Darcy will be following along, they could come with us and we can get some lunch after."

"Um," on one hand Natasha wasn't sure that she was up for a day out. On the other hand she thought that maybe some fresh air would be good and she was going to need some new clothes if her stomach was going to be getting bigger. "Ok." She replied and Pepper nodded.

"Great I'll let Jane and Darcy know." Tony passed Natasha a cup of tea as the other two men announced that the food was ready. Bruce laid out the plates containing the omelets and Steve used tongs to place some bacon on each plate. Everyone grabbed one and they all made their way to the kitchen table.

* * *

When Clint woke up it was to the feeling of a splitting headache. He groaned and ran his hands over his face before it dawned on him that he had no clue where he was. He opened his eyes and surveyed the completely unfamiliar surroundings. A pang of fear shot through him until he identified the sounds of the city coming in from outside and the stale air of alcohol, sweat, and greasy foods. Memories of walking into a bar a few miles from the tower entered his mind and he sighed.

Slowly, Clint managed to sit up. His head was spinning, he was sick as a dog, and he felt like he was still out of it. He couldn't remember how many drinks he had had or how he had gotten to what looked like a small, dingy, apartment from what he could see out the open doorway of the room he was currently in. The sound of footprints caught his attention and on instinct he reached for a weapon that wasn't there. A moment later a man appeared in the doorway. He was an older man with slight wrinkles at the corners of his eyes and mouth. Clint had no idea who the man could be but felt no threat coming from the man. He gave Clint a half smile and tossed a bottle of aspirin at him which he caught. The man then tossed a bottle of water which he also caught.

"Feeling like Shit?" He asked as Clint took the medicine.

"Ugh, yeah." Clint said after a second. He rubbed at his eyes again then looked up at the man.

"Name's Jacob Marshal," He said at Clint's confused look. "Friends call me Jake."

"Nice to meet you," Clint replied not offering a name himself. Mostly it was because he couldn't remember if he had given one to the man yet or not and wouldn't even begin to be able to guess which one it was if he had. "Could you catch me up on what happened?"

"You got drunk off your ass," Jake said bluntly. "I own this place and the bar downstairs. I don't usually do this for people but you looked like you were having a tough time with something and, ya know this place has been empty for a while now, figured it wouldn't hurt nothing for you to stay here for a bit." He said and Clint nodded and took another sip from the water bottle.

"I appreciate it," Clint said and rubbed at his aching head again.

"Well, you can stay here for a bit longer until you're feeling better, you still don't look so good kid."

"Thanks," Clint replied and Jake nodded.

"I'm gonna head back downstairs. Holler if you need something."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it." He said and then he was gone. Clint sighed and looked at his watch to see what the time was and how long he had been gone.

"Shit Tasha."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter: 13**

The morning passed slowly around the tower. As a result from the lack of nausea, Natasha was starting to feel restless. It was an odd feeling wanting to get up and move and do something but being physically tired at the same time. She hated it and blamed her friends because they weren't allowing her to do anything. They had shooed her out of the kitchen when she had eaten all she could force herself to get down. Truth be told she didn't really feel like doing anything but now that she was awake, alert, and forced to sit down and relax, she now felt the chill that came with the lack of her husband's presence.

Sat at the seat that was built in under the large window she stared out at the city. Her eyes searched the streets and tried to make out as much as she could, getting lost in the world below her. Not for the first time she wondered what it would be like to see through Clint's eyes. Soundlessly she watched the people moving on through their lives, something she had picked up from Clint along the years. It was something he did when he wanted to get lost for a while and sort himself out. However, it didn't work to block out the questions soaring through her head to fast for her to control and to stubborn for her to ignore. So, instead of giving it her full attention she focused on the people below while the thoughts rushed through her.

There was a couple holding hands walking a dog.

"_I used to picture myself with a family." He said in the darkness of the rundown motel they were hiding out in. _

The dog ran until its leash pulled him back and he returned to his owner, jumping up and begging for attention.

"_And now?" she whispered back. _

"_I don't know, it's a nice thought, maybe if the right girl comes along." _

The couple passed and was replaced with some teenagers goofing around with one another. The boys playfully shoving each other and the girls chatting away.

"_I'm sure you'll find someone." It was quiet for a moment before he replied. _

"_What if I already have?" _

Another teenage boy suddenly ran up to the group she was watching, he leaped onto the back of one of the other boys and the rest of the teenagers, after the initial shock wore off, recognized the kid and they all laughed together and walked off.

"_You should really keep looking Barton." _

"Hey Nattie," the lively voice of Darcy flowed through the air breaking her out of the trance she had pushed herself into. "What's up?" Natasha lowered her legs to the floor, uncurling herself and faced the woman walking in her direction. Jane followed in behind her giving Natasha a shy smile.

"Feeling ok today?" She asked and Natasha nodded back at her. From behind the scientist she saw Pepper who gave her a doubtful look. Since when has Pepper been able to read her? She didn't know and couldn't bring herself to really care. Her mind was still spitting up different thoughts and images that she would rather not deal with at the moment. The other women talked among themselves for a bit as she slipped back into her thoughts.

"_I promise you Tasha that I won't be like the rest of them. I promise you that I won't ever leave your side." _

"Natasha…"

"_I promise you that I'm gonna be there for you," his eyes held that promise, hope, and love. All things that she was trained not to feel and never to trust. "Please believe me Tasha, I love you." _

"Earth to Nat…"

"_I need to get some air." She watched him as he left. _

_He left. He didn't come back. He hasn't even called. _

"Hey," it was Pepper that placed a hand on her shoulder and jerked her out of her mind again. "You ok?" Natasha glanced at the other two women who stared at her then nodded to Pepper. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah," she said and got up to her feet to follow them to the elevator.

_Was he coming back?_

* * *

The bar was empty save for two older aged men slouched over in their seats and staring down into their drinks. One sat in a booth at the furthest corner away from the door. The other sat at the bar and was exchanging some words with the bartender. Jake he had said his name was. He spotted Clint relatively easily and waved him over.

"How ya feeling Clyde? Clint looked up and gave the man a small nod. He was glad to know what alias he had used, figures he'd use the boyfriend of one Natalie Rushman.

"Still got a bit of a headache but I suppose I'll live." Clint replied. "I'm gonna get out of your hair now I just, I wanted to say thanks. I really appreciate what you did."

"No problem kid." Jake said with a bit of a smile. "I just hope whatever it is you're going through gets better." Clint paused for a moment then simply nodded and wished the man a good day before heading out the door. From where he stood outside the bar Clint could see the tower.

* * *

They went out for a light lunch before going shopping. Afterwards, Pepper led the group to a clothing shop she knew and they went straight for the maternity section. They browsed through the clothes and tried to keep the mood a light and happy one as they looked around. Natasha was relaxed for a while until she caught sight of the baby section located across from where they were.

She stared at the tiny outfits and suddenly it felt like the walls were closing in around her. She was going to have a kid. A baby that she would be dying for. A baby that she would never be able to hold and tell him or her how much she loved them. She wouldn't be the one to dress her child up in those outfits. To make matters worse the father has shown and told her that he wants nothing to do with the kid. It hurt and it was becoming too real. She needed to get out of there.

"Natasha," Pepper said softly and Natasha turned to her friend. "You ok?"

"I…"

"We've been out for an hour now and have like eight outfits," Pepper said and with a slight chuckle she added "and I'm pretty sure Darcy will have at least three more be for we even finish talking." She glanced at the younger women bouncing back and forth between the clothing racks picking out different items. "You want to call it quits?"

"Yeah," she said still glancing around at all the baby clothes "yeah I think that's enough for today.

The rest of the day passed slowly within the tower. No one but Bruce, who was back in his lab with Tony, could think of anything to do. Natasha for the most part sat with Darcy as the woman picked different movies she thought Natasha had to see. Though she wasn't really paying any mind to them she sat through them all and nodded along to the other woman's comments. There was still no word from Clint and besides being upset and worried, she was starting to get angry and frustrated with him. She wanted him with her, the experience at the clothing store had shook her up and she wanted him there.

"Natasha," both her and Darcy turned to see that Bruce had entered.

"Yes."

"If you're not too busy I was hoping to maybe do an examination, to make sure the baby is doing ok with the new medication." With a nod she stood up and Darcy waved goodbye at her. Quietly, she followed Bruce and when they arrived she sat down in the familiar chair. "You doing ok?" She wanted to tell him that she was tired of everyone asking her if she was ok. Tired of everyone trying to make it better when it wasn't. But all that came out was a quiet sigh.

"I'm fine."

"hear anything from Barton?" He asked straight out when everyone else has tried not to mention him.

"Nothing," she said as he prepared the device he would be using. He paused for just a second before placing it on her stomach. "Am I doing the right thing Bruce?" It had come out without her really wanting it to but now that it was out in the open she continued. "I'm going to die trying to save a child that might not make it. Clint…he hates the idea and it's killing him inside. I'll be killing myself, hurting Clint, hurting all of you, and for what? For a child's life that has a slim chance of making it anyways? I'm drowning here and I don't know what to do. I want this child to have a chance but everything is shouting at me that it's wrong, that it's not worth it. No one will even talk about it they're all afraid to bring it up."

"The girls took you shopping for maternity clothes." Bruce pointed out.

"But we never talk about the actual baby," she said "like it's something forbidden."

"What do you think you should do?" He said suddenly and she paused. "Do you, deep in your heart, do you feel like this is the right thing to do?" He looked at her with those deep brown eyes of his. They were open and honest.

"I love it." She replied quietly after a moment. "I…I know it's probably not logical but this kid, I care for it more than I can even begin to comprehend."

"Then that's all you need to know." He replied his words filled with a soft understanding. "Nat," he said softly and she looked up at him "we're all here for you and Clint, he loves you. He'll be back." He said and sounded so sure of his words that she couldn't argue even if he wanted to. "I'm going to try something ok?" He said and she nodded. He gave her a quick smile and grabbed a device that he soon placed against her stomach and moved it around. After a minute or two she was about to ask what he was looking for when she suddenly heard it and froze. Bruce smiled and turned up the computer monitor so that she could hear it better.

"Is that…" her voice broke of and she looked at Bruce with wide eyes. He nodded and she barely noticed the tear roll down her cheek. Out of instinct she placed her hand on her stomach and stared down at it in wonder.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter: 14**

"_She's gone Barton!" He shouted through the comm unit. Not even five minutes before Natasha had shouted that their recent mission was compromised. She made it known that she had walked into a trap, right before the whole building had collapsed and she went silent. Clint had left his spot, the rooftop across the street, and was down on the ground faster than what Coulson could keep track of. He was rushing toward the building that was now covered in flames. Natasha wasn't responding and Phil wasn't about to lose both of his agents. He could feel a deep pang in his chest as he called out to Barton. Pain filled him at the belief that Natasha was gone and at Clint heading for the same fate. "Barton you'll get yourself killed!" _

"_I have to get Nat!" _

"_She's gone!" _

"_She's not!" His agent screamed back at him and continued on his way. Men poured out from around the building but it did nothing to slow the archer's pace. He was driven to protect his partner and was lost in the single thought that she needed his help. The men working around Coulson got videos up and he could now see him. A dark look had fallen over Clint's face, over his entire being. At that moment Phil couldn't see the kid he had dragged into SHIELD all those years ago. His eyes were blank as he killed each man who dared to get between him and the path to his partner. _

"_Get men in there now!" Coulson shouted and a team hastily got together and made their way to help provide backup for the archer. Coulson sat glued to the screen. He stared at what was left of the building that Clint was so determined to get to. No one could have made it out of that building. He watched as Clint killed without a second thought, barely blinked as he ended one life right after another. _

_In the end Clint had made it to the burning structure and much to everyone's surprise, and relief, he stumbled out with his partner in his arms. As she floated in and out of consciousness she alternated between curing the faulty information that had put them in the situation and her partner for risking his life like he had._

_Coulson watched as Barton laughed it off with his usual humor but Phil knew how serious it was. He had seen just how far Clint would go for Natasha. He had seen just how compromised he was for the woman and he knew right then and there that he should put an end to their partnership. However, as he watched Clint reach for her hand as she slowly drifted off, how she had let him take her hand, he knew that it was already too late for that. _

Coulson glanced at his watch after pulling himself out of his thoughts. He sighed at the time and pushed away the paperwork he had been doing. Looking up from his desk he glanced over at the couch in his office and the man who was fast asleep on it. Clint had said little when he had showed up unannounced. After explaining that he had a hangover Coulson had pointed towards the couch and Clint was out a few minutes later. Now, it was nearing ten o' clock and he knew that it was time for Barton to stop avoiding and go home to his wife. He was sure that Natasha was worried sick and she definitely didn't need the stress.

He wasn't angry or upset with Clint. Coulson didn't pretend to understand what Clint was going through but he knew how the younger man's mind worked. Natasha's life was in danger. That alone did things to Clint's mind. He didn't like anything that caused his partner harm. This situation was made worse by the fact that there wasn't anyone he could fight and make it all better. There was no bad guy, no evil plan, no nothing that Clint was trained to handle. He couldn't even go after the men who had experimented on Natasha as a child because they were long ago taken care of.

However, there was one thing that the archer could do and Coulson didn't plan on letting Clint forget that anytime soon. He knew the man was hurting but it was time for him to stop running. Clint may have been like a son to him since the moment he pulled him into SHILED but Natasha had quickly fulfilled the daughter like roll as well and she needed him. His "kids" were hurt and they needed each other, because no matter how much Clint wanted to fight it at the moment, he needed Natasha as well.

Silently he walked over to the couch and gave Barton a little push on the shoulder. When the archer didn't stir he pushed harder and called out his name but all he got was a groan in response.

"Barton it's time to wake up," he said louder and with another hard shove.

"Five minutes."

"Up Barton," he said "I'm not staying here all night to watch you. It's time to go home." Clint sighed and finally opened his eyes to look up at his handler.

"Any chance that you're going to tell me that I've been dreaming this whole time?" Coulson's face turned sympathetic at that.

"'fraid not kid." Clint closed his eyes for a moment as if he were trying to process that then reached up and rubbed at his eyes.

"Nat's going to kill me."

"Have you even called her Barton?"

"Ugh…no."

"Can't say I'll blame her." Coulson said and stepped back as Clint swung his legs off the couch.

"Gee thanks buddy." There was a silence then, filled with a bit of awkwardness, before Coulson spoke up again.

"You need to go home Clint."

"Yeah," he replied rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah I know."

* * *

It was a stupid thought to have, but the bed felt too big without his presence. The air was too still without the slight snoring sound he usually made, the area around her felt too cold without his body heat, and the room too dark but she didn't see how that had anything to do with him. Mostly, Natasha wondered just when she had allowed herself to be so dependent on a man that she had troubles sleeping if he wasn't there. She couldn't believe she had allowed this all to happen.

She sighed and pushed the blankets away from her then sat up in the bed. The coolness of the air around her swept across her newly exposed skin and she shivered a bit. After a few seconds she got up and made her way to the kitchen. Natasha set about pouring herself a glass of juice when the air around her shifted. The years of training went so deep into her senses, and the apartment so familiar to her, that she could feel that there was someone else there with her. Without showing any indication that she suspected anything out of the ordinary, Natasha closed the juice carton and placed it back into the fridge, also taking out the knife she had stored in there. She shut the door back and grasped the blade in her right hand. The slightest of footsteps caught her attention and when she was sure they were in the same room she spun. The fact that he was able to say her name a second before she released the blade saved him from having it embedded into his chest.

"Clint! What the hell!?" she yelled at him after the shock of almost, probably, killing her husband.

"Glad to see that you still have complete control of yourself," he said as he stared at the blade that was sticking out of the wall, inches from where he now stood.

"What do you think you're doing!?"

"I thought you'd be asleep! I didn't want to wake you up!"

"After all these years you thought it'd be a good idea to sneak up on me like that!?" she said, frustrated at him, the light came on and he could see her glare mixed with shock and relief. "I could have killed you just now!"

"Please my reflexes are still good enough that you wouldn't have killed me," he said shaking his head. They looked at each other then, for a few moments, then she was crossing the room in quick strides. Clint held his arms open and pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her.

"Where have you been?" She asked and Clint was surprised at the emotion in her voice.

"I'm sorry Nat," he said "I'm sorry I was stupid and got drunk, I woke up with a hangover and you didn't need to deal with that."

"You could've called." She said and held him just a bit tighter.

"I'm sorry Nat." It really hit him when he felt her shake slightly. He pulled her away just enough to confirm that tears were starting to fall and he quickly brought her back against his chest and held her close. "I'm sorry Nat, I'm so sorry." She didn't respond but he felt his shirt dampen a bit with her tears. "Tell me," he said "tell me what's wrong."

"I…I'm sorry….I…"

"Tell me Nat,"

"I….I heard the heartbeat and I…I'm sorry this is happening….I…" that made his own throat tighten and he didn't know what to say about it. He didn't know how to express that he wasn't angry with her for the definite sign of life that was growing in her. He was mad about the situation, the people who had done this to her, and the things he couldn't control, but he wasn't really angry with her. Clint cursed himself for her pain and for his inability to help her.

"It's ok Tasha," he whispered soothingly. "You're going to be ok."

"I thought you were done." He tightened his hold on her and shook his head slightly before pressing a kiss to her head. He might not be completely ok with her recent decisions but he still loved her with all of his being.

"With you," he said with as strong of a voice as he could muster up "not even close."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter: 15**

After the night of Clint and Natasha's reconciliation, things settled back into a bit of a routine around the tower. For a while Natasha seemed to be doing all good again. The symptoms of her pregnancy seemed to be holding back and she had her husband back at her side again. Clint swore that he would be there for her and he was. He took care of her, but where the baby was concerned he was still iffy. Yes, he would sit by Natasha's side and comfort her, make sure she was taking her medicine, and eating an excepted amount each day, but he withdrew when it was time for checkup appointments or any decisions regarding the kid. That's not saying that he abandoned her completely though. He would wait outside the room for her and Bruce to finish and the others didn't really bring up the baby when he was around unless it was necessary. It wasn't great but it was a step better than it had been.

The mark of Natasha's fifth month was met with the return of nausea that Bruce deduced was appropriate for normal pregnancies but it still worried him and the others. Their worry didn't go unwarranted, a few days later came the extreme sickness that had concerned them all in the first place. Only this time it was worse and Natasha was spinning hours in the bathroom every day. It took four days for her to start losing a noticeable amount of weight as a result of not being able to keep anything down. It was then that Fury had offered to bring in SHEILD specialist to have a look at her. Bruce quickly agreed hoping that they would be able to help but because this was no ordinary pregnancy, and Natasha herself wasn't exactly normal, there wasn't much they could do for her either. They did set her up in a private room and gave her the nutrients she needed through an IV. At week twenty it only got worse from there. Natasha had woken up in the middle of the night with a pain that almost had her in tears. She had yelled for Clint, who had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and was afraid that something was wrong with the baby. Her stomach ached so badly but much to her relief there was no blood present just pain that seemed to be spreading throughout her body. The doctors examined her thoroughly but found nothing wrong with the child. The best Bruce could figure was that it was Natasha's enhancers acting against the changing hormones in her body that was happening because of the pregnancy. Clint had to step out for a while after hearing that but an hour or two later he was back at her side. He had promised that he wouldn't leave her again and he wouldn't. The team made a point for each of them to drop by for a little so that they could show their support for their friends.

At the mark of the sixth month Natasha had practically begged, with the lack of any breakthroughs at the hospital, that she be allowed to go back home. It was no secret that she was extremely wary of hospitals. Tony had it set up for the SHEILD specialist to come to the tower. "Better technology anyways," he had told them. Really he just wanted to help his friend feel more comfortable. The last night she was there at the hospital she was visited by Nick Fury who she had slipped an envelope to. Clint and the team had brought her home the next day with all the IVs that she would need set up in her room and she was placed on strict bed rest. She would've been annoyed by that but at this point she was also sleeping a lot more and found she didn't have much energy to protest. It drove Clint crazy to see her like that.

It was the mark of week twenty- four that Tony and the others had brought Natasha, in a wheelchair, to the room that was to be the nursery. Clint, having both already knew what was going on and already seeing the room once, had chose to stand outside the door and let Natasha enjoy the moment with out worrying about how he was feeling. Natasha's eyes widened a bit once seeing the room. The walls had been painted so that the bottom half was a light grey color and the top half was a light baby blue. The crib was made of dark wood and the back panel had a slight arch to it. She smiled softly when she noted that in the center of that arch a small hawk had been carved with an even smaller spider at its center. The mattress had a thin white sheet covering it and hanging over the front panel was a soft blanket that was a light blue, almost white looking. The carpet was off white and Steve informed her that it was the softest they could find. Her eyes travelled to where a bookcase was set up that was made of the same type of wood as the crib. It was filled with different children's books that the guys insisted were the best. She noted a few avenger themed books mixed in. In the corner, beside the bookshelf, was an upholstered rocking chair that had a floor lamp resting beside it. At the other corner there was a toy box that was the same color as the other furniture but was made of plastic instead of wood. Tony opened it to show that there was different toys like rattles, soft blocks, stuffed animals, big plastic balls, and some other different toys designed for babies. It was set on top of a big area rug that the baby would be able to play on. Bruce opened up the closet in the room to show that shelves had been built in so that things such as extra blankets, diapers, and things of that nature could be stored. There was also a small dresser that would hold the baby's clothes.

Natasha was speechless, it was everything she could've hoped for and she was glad to see it. The others, being Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Thor had wanted to go ahead and set it up for a couple of different reasons. One being that Natasha was trying to stay positive about the survival of her child, this was their way of showing that they were as well. Also, they wanted her to be able to see the room her child would be staying in. It was a way to give her piece of mind that the baby would in fact come home to the nursery she had wanted for her child. Natasha met eyes with Tony and with the look she gave him he came closer and knelt down close so that she could whisper to him.

"What about what we talked about?" She asked quietly so that the others wouldn't over hear. He gave her a small smile and placed a hand on her shoulder with a reassuring squeeze.

"It'll still be the same." He replied and she nodded then turned her attention back to the other men as well.

"Thank you." She said "this is…it's amazing I don't even know what to say."

"No need to say anything," Steve spoke up.

"Just focus on keeping your strength up," Bruce added. Thor smiled and nodded his head in agreement.

"Let's get to bed Nat," Clint spoke up after a moment, seeing that his wife's energy was draining fast. "Thanks guys," he murmured to the guys before wheeling Natasha back down the hall and into their bedroom. The guys stopped in to say their goodbyes then him and Natasha were alone again.

"Are you going to bed?" Natasha asked him after he helped her to get situated and he nodded. Clint folded the wheelchair up and Natasha gave it an annoyed look as he leaned it against the wall. She had really despised the thing but found that walking was getting more difficult, especially on days that she was hurting really bad. Clint gave her a weak smile and turned out the lights before crawling into bed beside her.

The first thing that he noticed was how her body seemed to be a bit chilled when his skin came into contact with hers. Only a few minutes of being situated he felt Natasha's body stiffen and he instantly reached for the trashcan beside the bed, getting it to her just as she started getting sick for the eighth time that day. A good thirty minutes later and she was finally laying back in the bed, shivering slightly, paler, and holding her head gently with one hand. Clint felt his chest tighten at how small and helpless she looked. Without thinking too much about it he laid back down and slowly pulled her into his arms. Clint tried his best to ignore the bump that pressed against him and focused on his wife who was still shaking slightly but wrapped her arms around him as well.

"Stay with me Nat," was all he managed to say as the darkness settled in around them.

"I'm trying," she replied quietly. Her body was quickly giving in to the sleep that it was craving more and more in the last few days. He could tell the moment that it gave in completely.

"Stay with me Tasha," he whispered into the quiet.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter: 16**

**Dear Nick,**

**I have rewritten this letter so many times in my head and can never get the words quite right, so I figured I'd jump right to the point. I have made arrangements with Tony and Pepper that, if Clint doesn't wish to take care of our child, they are to have full custody that may be given back to Clint if he should ever choose. I have my suspicions that he'll warm up to the idea. Also, the godparent will be Steve. I wanted to inform you of this so that if there are any legal issues it will be written on paper. **

**Tell Steve that he is a great leader and not to lose the faith that he has in people, but also not to be too trusting. Also, tell him that Sarah from ballistics is absolutely head over heels for him and would love it if he were to ask her out.**

**Tell Banner that I've finally finished that book he leant me and he was right, I loved it. Make sure to tell him that I never believed he was a monster and that I appreciate all that he has done for me. **

**Tell Thor that I've always loved the stories he tells of his home. Also, remind him to not believe everything Tony tells him about our customs here on earth. Oh and remind everyone else that his favorite pop-tarts are S'mores, hot fudge sunday, cookies and cream, and strawberry. **

**Tell Tony that he's an ass. Also, that I can't even find the right words to express how thankful I am to both him and Pepper for agreeing to raise my child. He's a good man at heart.**

**Tell Coulson that it was fun while it lasted and that I fully expect him to take good care of Clint when I'm gone. Remind him that I'll haunt his ass if something happens to Barton. **

**Tell all of them that they were like brothers to me and that I loved them each very much. **

**Tell the girls that they were the best girlfriends I could have asked for. Tell them that I appreciate all the outings that we went on and all the times we would just sit around and talk. Tell them that I wish them luck with keeping the men in line, and that I loved them like my sisters. **

**Please tell Clint that I'm not sorry. Tell him that I love him and that I'm sorry for all the pain that I have caused him over the last few months but I will not apologize for giving our child a chance. Tell him that I don't blame him if he truly wants nothing to do with the child but to please take care of himself. **

**As for yourself, I want to say thank you. It might have been Clint who brought me in but it was ultimately you who agreed to let me stay and convinced the council to let it happen. You are the father that I never had and it was a pleasure working for you even when it wasn't. Please don't allow Clint to work himself to death. I also ask that you don't try and recruit my child into this life. If, when the child is older, the decision is made to join SHEILD then that's fine but please don't try and push the issue. Please don't let the council get ahold of my child either. If at all possible I want my kid to have the best childhood possible when being cared for by Avengers. **

**Finally, I have not yet found out if the child is a boy or a girl and I haven't discussed it with Clint for fear that it would upset him, but if my child is a boy I have picked the name Nicholas Philip Barton and for a girl I have chosen the name Sophia Marie Barton. If Clint has a problem with the last names then have it as Romanoff. **

**Also, please tell my child that I'm sorry I won't be there and make sure that my child knows I wanted to be. I wanted to be there to read stories at night, to hold him or her in my arms, to teach the little one lessons, and watch as he or she grew up. I wanted to be a good mother. Please make sure that it is known to my child that I loved him or her dearly, please do that for me Nick. **

**Make sure they all know how much that I loved and cared for them.**

**Sincerely yours,**

**Natasha.**

From the window Fury could see that the sun was barely starting to come up. He let the letter fall from his hands and land on top of other paperwork that had been long forgotten about. He was tired, so very tired, but a feeling deep within his gut wouldn't let him rest. Earlier in the night he had laid in his bed for hours before finally getting up and heading for his office. It was only a few minutes of sitting at his desk that Fury had remembered the envelope Natasha had passed to him when he had last seen her. She hadn't said anything as she handed it to him but on the front it was instructed to not open unless she died. He couldn't help himself though and after reading it for the first time he found himself reading it again and again, the feeling deep within his gut never letting up, in fact, it seemed worse with every time he had finished reading.

Fury finally managed to tear himself away from his desk and tried to get some rest before having to return to SHEILD. It didn't do much good and he only managed maybe an hour of sleep before his alarm clock was going off. He had the beginnings of a headache by the time he walked into the SHEILD base. Hill was already there talking with some of the other agents and glanced his way briefly. She nodded to the men she was with and said a few final words before heading his way.

"You're looking a little dead on your feet boss," she commented and he gave her a grumbled response. She followed him over to the coffee machine, talking about some documents he was had to look over and sign, intel that had been gathered in preparation for upcoming missions, and updates on current missions. She stopped talking when she noticed that he wasn't completely following her. "Is everything alright sir?" He took a sip of his coffee and took a second to judge if he wanted to share what he was feeling. Fury had just made up his mind to dismiss the thought of sharing when he caught eyes with Coulson who had just entered the room. One look at the other man's eyes and Fury's mind was changed for him.

"Hill, get me a car."

* * *

After waking up that morning, Clint carefully climbed out of bed so that he wouldn't wake his wife. He was quick to take a shower and shave the stubble off his face then cleaning up and putting everything back into it's proper place. After that he took the laundry that was piling up and threw it into the washer. He then headed back to the bedroom and did a quick assessment of his wife to make sure that she was ok. She was sleeping soundly so Clint decided that he would go and prepare himself some breakfast. He made himself some scrambled eggs and toast then also took the time to make Natasha some tea since she wasn't really able to eat solid food anymore.

"Hey Nat," he said as he enter the bedroom balancing his plate in one hand and a coffee mug with her tea in the other "time to wake up." Clint quickly sat his plate on the nightstand beside his side of the bed then went around to her side and sat on the edge beside her. "C'mon you've got to take your medicine Nat." With a soft smile he lowered the mug so that it was close to her face. "I made your favorite." There was no response from his wife and that's when he noticed that something was off. Her face was pale, more so than it had been in the last few weeks and she was just…too still. "Nat?" He quickly leaned over and placed the mug down on the nightstand beside him then turned his full attention back to her. He shook her gently but got nothing in return. "Natasha...Nat!" A panicky feeling engulfed him when she didn't respond. He shook her a bit harder and yelled her name but got nothing. "JARVIS! Get me some help!"

"Right away sir." The automated voice replied. Clint pulled back the covers and felt his heart begin to race, beating hard against his chest as it did so. The covers underneath her were wet and upon further inspection he could see that there was just a touch of red mixed in.

"Nat!? Natasha wake up!" He called to her frantically. He pulled her top half close to his chest when she failed to answer him. "Don't do this Tasha. Please wake up darling please," he begged her unconscious form. Clint didn't notice when he began to rock back and forth, nor did he notice that he had started crying. He barely registered the sound of the elevator as it arrived at their floor. "Don't leave me Nat," he whispered and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you, please stay with me, please Nat."

"Clint!" It was Bruce but there was the sound of multiple footsteps.

"Bruce!" Clint screamed for him in a way that it sent spikes of fear through the doctor's heart to hear. Bruce felt his other half stir deep within himself and he told him to calm down, this was definitely not the time. A moment later he appeared in the doorway of Clint and Natasha's bedroom. "Bruce she needs help. She's not waking up Bruce," Clint's voice broke and he looked up at him with wide eyes that were pleading and filled with desperation. It made Bruce freeze in his steps but only for a second before he, and the SHEILD doctors who accompanied him, was moving into action. Clint had to be pulled away from his wife, his fear for her was blocking any logical thoughts at that time, and he was led out of the room.

"Hang on Natasha." Bruce whispered to her as they got her ready to move.

**Wow, sorry this took so long everyone. I was a bit stuck on how to do this but I think I've got it all figured out, except I haven't figured out who survives or doesn't and all that, I do have different scenarios played out in my head though and I'm suspecting two maybe three more chapters of this before I start something different. I was thinking about either doing a sequel to my story Where You Belong or working on something based off of Cap 2 with a Bucky/Natasha storyline that was suggested by CharlieMatheson in one of the reviews. However I also have an idea in the works of another Clint/Natasha story in which Clint is having MAJOR issues dealing with the loss of Coulson and having some negative effects from being mind-controlled. I don't really know yet but let me know what you all think and maybe I can decide. Anyways, thanks to all who have Favorited/Reviewed/Followed this story you people are awesome and I'll try to have another chapter up soon. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Fury had arrived minutes after the doctors, including Bruce, had left with Natasha. Coulson was the one to talk Clint into calming down enough to get into the SUV with them. Tony, Thor, and Steve followed behind them in one of Tony's cars while he called to inform Pepper of what was going on. She promised to call Jane and Darcy then join them at the SHEILD hospital they were all speeding to.

By the time Tony, Thor, and Steve arrived they had already gotten Natasha into the hospital and were preparing to do an emergency caesarean to get the baby out. Clint was already fighting with the nurses to let him stay with his wife and Coulson was pulling him back and towards one of the observation rooms that was available for them to watch the surgery if they wished. Once Clint got that into his head he pushed his handler away and rushed to be able to at least see his wife.

They all ended up packed into the tiny room. Well, the avengers minus Natasha of course, Fury, Coulson, and Hill were there. When they arrived, Pepper, Darcy, and Jane sat in the waiting room because they wanted to give the team their space and because they didn't want to see their friend like that. Clint, Fury, and Coulson stood front and center as the doctors rushed to get Natasha prepped. From inside the tiny room they could all hear the doctors talking while they worked. Dr. Adam Boyd, the doctor that usually worked with Clint and Natasha, the only one they really trusted, was the one who would be preforming the actually surgery. Bruce was in there too, he had medical knowledge, and also had been working with Natasha and had a good idea of how her body worked, or at least a better knowledge than some. Plus, she was his friend and if he could be with her he was going to be. He knew that Clint also appreciated the fact that he was there and that his wife wouldn't be left completely without friends, because while they trusted Boyd, he wasn't really what they would call a friend.

Clint didn't focus on any of the things the doctors were saying. He was only focused on two things, the heart monitor they had hooked up to his wife, and Natasha herself. Now, looking at her from behind the glass as she laid motionless on the surgical table, he cloud see just how small she looked, how pale she was, and just all out broken if you asked him. She had lost some more weight and the large stomach didn't look right on her. He wished that he could go into the other room and hold her. Placing his hands firmly against the glass he watched as an oxygen mask was placed over her face and the doctors began.

"Stay with me Nat," Clint whispered as the scalpel was brought to her skin for the first time. That was when it all fell apart. There was a beeping sound that made all the doctors rush into action. The baby was in distress, Natasha was in distress, and they were going to lose them both if they didn't work fast. Clint felt his heart almost explode in his chest.

"C'mon Romanoff," Fury's voice barely registered in Clint's mind as the doctors finally got the baby out. He only caught a quick glimpse before the child was rushed off to somewhere else. Clint's eyes jumped to Natasha as the doctors continued to work on her. She was bleeding, too much, and her body had already been trying to shut down before that. Really it had been shutting down since the pregnancy started and now it was the inevitable end that they were all aware of but still fighting against. She was still alive and that's what mattered. From inside the room Bruce's voice could be heard.

"Hear that?" He asked her unconscious form. "A little girl, you have a daughter Natasha. You have to fight now because she's going to need her mother."

"Fight Tasha," Clint whispered in agreement.

It was silent in that small observation room. A complete contrast to what was going on in the room in front of them. Natasha was fading and the doctors working hard to save her. One moment they were moving, talking fast, saying this and that, and then they went quiet as a long drawn out beep was heard. For a second the world came to a halt. Then everything was brought back in a flurry of movement and panic.

"Natasha!" Clint banged against the window separating him from his wife. The others were too shocked to stop him. "Nat! Nat don't!"

"Coulson get him out," Fury said after a moment and the man, tears in his eyes, stepped forward.

"No! No Coulson! Natasha!" Clint screamed and fought to stay where he could see. The doctors were working frantically and Bruce looked to be struggling to remain himself, he had to leave the room.

"Clint," Coulson's voice broke and that's when Steve, also with tears, stepped in to help the other man.

"Let me go! Let me go Steve! Tasha! I have to help her! Let me go!" He managed to get Clint out of the room and after a minute or two of fighting the archer collapsed into his arms and sobbed deep, heart wrenching cries that tore at the super soldier.

"I'm sorry Clint," Steve said. His voice was shaky from his own tears he was trying to hold back. "I'm so sorry."

It was hours later when a nurse approached him. They had managed to get Natasha back but it was a fine line she was treading between life and death. They had all piled out into the waiting room when it was requested by a nurse sent to say that they were distracting the doctors from doing their jobs or something like that. The sight of the nurse approaching was met with a sense of nervous anticipation. She gave Clint a small smile and took out a pin that she then attached to the clipboard she was holding.

"Mr. Barton, your daughter is doing fine. Actually for a baby born as early as she was, she's doing great. You can see her now if you would like." The nurse said but upon seeing the look on his face her smile faded and it was clear she didn't know what to do.

"Could you tell me where," Steve asked and gave her a smile "we'll talk to him." She nodded and gave up the information with a bit of persuasion. However, before that talk could be made Clint was up and out of the room.

"Barton!" Coulson's voice stopped Clint, who had decided that he needed some air, from reaching the elevator. "Clint look at me!" He said when he had caught up to his agent.

"Leave me alone Coulson," Clint replied.

"Clint that's your child in there." Coulson said and watched as Clint's finger hit the down button on the elevator. That was the drawing line for him and he found a place within himself that he hadn't reached since first meeting the archer. He barely registered grabbing a hold of his agent's shoulder, pulling him back to face him, and punching him hard in the face.

"What the hell Coulson!" Clint yelled as he held his bruising cheek. Coulson just fixed the man with a heated look.

"Don't do this Clint." He said "that child didn't do this to her you know that. You didn't do this either. You might have gotten her pregnant but this isn't your fault it was those bastards who did those experiments! You want someone to blame, blame them! Don't blame that child Clint." He watched as tears filled the archer's eyes again and he calmed his voice. "Your wife gave that baby a chance. Natasha is fighting for her life and you know she'll fight as hard as she can to stay but that baby is also fighting Clint. She's fighting for her life and her mother can't be there. Don't make her lose her father too." Behind Clint, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Coulson looked Clint in the eyes for a second longer before turning and leaving his agent to make his own choice.

* * *

It was an instant attachment from the first moment he laid eyes on her. The baby was in one of those incubators that she would remain in for the foreseeable future. Wires were surrounding her small body. He knew that one of them was for nutrients or something like that, one was a heart monitor, and there were others that he wasn't too sure of but at the moment just knew that they made her look even smaller than her already impossible tininess. She had a kind of blindfold on her eyes that the doctors said she needed and a small cap on the top of her head to help keep her warm.

Clint looked over to see that there was a name written on the side of the incubator and he froze. Sophia Marie Barton, his daughter had a name. The middle name was his mother's first and the last name being his own, and that's when it all hit him. He had a daughter. This tiny little baby in front of him was his daughter. The feeling that he had experienced in the observation room, that his heart would rupture, overtook him and he collapsed into the chair that was beside him. His hand travelled to the side of the incubator and he felt tears form in his eyes again but he wouldn't cry here. Not when his daughter was in front of him and fighting for her life, he would be strong for her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry for…for everything." He sucked back his tears and wiped at his eyes. "I'm not good at this but it's going to be alright. Your mama is going to be alright," he said with a nod and looked down at his tiny little girl. "I know you aren't to blame for what happened I was just being stupid. I…your dad hasn't had a lot of people close to him and he doesn't know how to handle this. Your mom though, I swear she can handle anything." He said and couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. "She'll be a good mother and well, I can learn right?" There was another small smile and then a strong pull of desperation filled him when he was reminded that both his girls were fight for their lives. He looked down at his daughter and couldn't help the crack in his voice as he spoke again, almost pleading with her. "Fight for me sweetie. You be strong for me so that I can take you home. You've got your mother's blood in you so I know that you're strong. Please Baby…"

**So, one more chapter everyone and I've already got it planned out. Also I have decided that my next project will be a sequel to my story Where You Belong if you have read the story and have something you would like to see happen in the next installment please feel free to share because I'm starting to plan out ideas for it. Hope you enjoyed this and I hope to have the next chapter finished soon. **


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Six Months Later**

Clint was still half asleep as he crawled out of bed and let his daughter's cries lead him towards the nursery. His eyes remained closed until he felt the soft carpet under his feet. He then approached the crib holding his little girl. He couldn't help but smile at the sound of her powerful cry. After all, she had been born so early that they were worried about her lungs.

Sophia Marie Barton was born at twenty five weeks and three days. She weighed exactly one and a half pounds and was eight and a half inches long, being the smallest child Clint had ever laid eyes on. In the hospital her lungs had failed once giving everyone, especially Clint, a heart attack. Now, she was home and was officially off the breathing machine that the doctor had sent home. She was now a whopping four pounds and forty eight ounces. His little girl had made it through and was hitting every milestone that was required of her for being born so early.

Clint leaned down and gently lifted her tiny body into his arms. Her cries intensified and he let out a little chuckle. He ran his hand over the fine hair that was growing. It was a strawberry blonde color that Clint knew would darken as she got older and would match her mother's. He smiled at the thought and started to bounce her up and down slightly to try and calm her. He checked her diaper to find that it was dry then looked at the clock on the wall and sighed when he realized it was time for her to eat again.

"I feel like you just ate." He said to the crying baby in his arms as he began walking to the kitchen. He maneuvered Sophia so that she was resting on his shoulder and patted her back lightly as he made his way down the hall. She quieted down and the silence of the apartment surrounded them. "Ok little one, just let me heat this up for you," he said as he got out one of her pre made bottles and began the process of heating it up. As he waited, Clint continued to rub his daughter's back gently.

"_Nat," Clint whispered because the room was so quiet, besides the beeping of the machines, that he felt that his normal speaking voice would be too loud. He sat down in the chair beside her bed and reached out to take her hand. "I've seen her Nat," he said giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "Our daughter is so tiny, my God she's the smallest thing I've ever seen, but she's alive Nat. She's beautiful even with all the wires and the breathing tube, she's so beautiful." Clint looked up at the woman he loved. She was so pale, she had a breathing tube, and wires attached to her everywhere as well. She was too small looking and it reminded him of his other girl that was sitting in the NICU at that same moment. "Tasha, I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you like I should have been. I'm sorry that I made you feel like you couldn't count on me. I promised you a long time ago that I would always be there for you and I broke that promise. It hurts for me to admit that." He said and a part of him broke inside with every second she went without answering him. He hadn't felt like that since the first time she was severely injured during a mission and he was sure that he would lose her. _

_Glancing up at the machine reading her vitals he examined all the numbers and knew that everything was too low. She was fighting to stay alive but it seemed that she was slowly losing the battle. He didn't even notice the tear that fell as he looked back to his wife. In as strong a voice as he could, Clint spoke up again with a voice filled with emotion. "Thank you Tasha," he said and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "Thank you for giving her a chance, she's going to make it, she's a fighter. I want you to know that I'm going to take her home. I'm going to take care of her Nat. She's my daughter and I'm sorry that I ever implied that I didn't want her because I do." More tears fell as he spoke but he had to tell her, in case this was the only chance he had. "I love our daughter Nat. She's going to have a great life and that's because of you. That's because you didn't listen to me and you fought for her. You'd be a great mom Tasha. I wish you could see her. I wish you'd open your eyes Nat." He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "This isn't a goodbye, not yet. You keep fighting do you hear me? You fight to get back here because Sophia is going to need her mother. Please come back Nat." He whispered "please don't leave me." _

The sound of the timer going off snapped him back into the present. Sophia gave little whining noises and he shifted her so that she was in his arms again and reached for her bottle. After testing to make sure it wasn't too hot he brought it to her lips and she began to drink hungrily. She opened her eyes and he smiled down at her. She had his eyes and he wondered what it would be like to look through his daughter's eyes. Did she inherit his eyesight? Did she know who he was? He wondered as he began walking down the hall again. A light caught his eye and he shook his head. He walked past the nursery and headed towards his own bedroom.

"You are supposed to be sleeping," he said as he pushed the door the rest of the way open with his foot. He glanced at the clock again to see that it was almost three in the morning. He looked up at his wife who looked exhausted but her eyes brightened up when she saw the little bundle in her husband's arms. She held out her arms and gave Clint and expectant look.

"I heard you get up," Natasha said, giving him the most innocent look she could muster up. Clint chuckled at that as he transferred Sophia into her mother's waiting arms. They seemed to melt right into each other. A tired but satisfied smile crept over Natasha's face and Clint kissed the top of her head before climbing onto the bed and pulling her close to his side. "She's doing good," Natasha said after a few minutes of silence. Clint reached up and tucked some hair behind her ear and nodded his agreement.

"Getting stronger every day." He replied and Natasha met his eyes. They didn't need words to express the joy that they shared. When Sophia was finished with the bottle Natasha burped her then cradled her back into her arms and held her close. A few minutes was all it took for the baby girl to fall back asleep in her mother's arms. "Here," Clint said "let me take her back to bed."

"No," Natasha said gently "just a little longer," and Clint nodded with a smile. He wasn't going to argue with his wife if she wanted a few more minutes with their daughter.

The night that Natasha had given birth her heart had stopped four times, each time taking longer to revive her. The day after it was announced that she had slipped into a coma. It was one month and two weeks before she was taken off oxygen. Another two weeks before she finally opened her eyes and was demanding to see her child. Then another week before she was allowed to come home. There were times when Clint wasn't too sure that they would make it to where they were now.

He had his wife in his arms and she held their daughter in hers. They were both alive and doing well. That was all Clint could have hoped for. He held Natasha a bit tighter with his left arm and then moved his right arm so that it wrapped around her with his hand rested on his baby girl. He held them close and didn't ever want to let go.

**Sorry this took so long. I had a bunch of work to do and then couldn't figure out how I wanted to write this. Anyways, thank you all who have supported this story and my other stories as well. I hoped that you enjoyed this. I am still trying to plan out the sequel to Where you Belong and suggestions are welcomed at any time. I have one or two other things I might start working on as well. Thanks again everyone for your support.**


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